MUSIC SAVES THE SOUL!!!

My latest JAM...

2012-02-03T18:02:00.003-07:00

Just listen to the lyrics, and over all song. Just a great song!! Enjoy!

What is "The Secret"?

2012-01-04T16:30:00.002-07:00

Okay, last time we left off I was sexually frustrated. Still apparent. I will see what comes from this. As I have previously explained, I network like fucking crazy. My business partner and I have become friends through the EPIC medium that are Google + Hangouts. So, as the progression of friendship and disclosure of information led him to suggest I watch or read or both of "The Secret". All I can say about this is that it has allowed me to reevaluate my drive as well as how to go about ways to positively secure the results I want. I know what you are thinking, I am not sure something like this will help me. Just give it a try and may you will find out what "The Secret" is for you!

On another note, how should I go about this situation? The boyfriend still thinks we are together, and basically I have the control. There's still a vibe between me and that business partner (despite his bi polar rude and need to quit flirting) that suggests otherwise. Oh, and the more and more men on Google + hit on me, the more I am finding it creepy. For instance, asking me to marry you when you have a wife from another country. You are lucky I was nice, and didn't respond with HELL NO, but instead no thanks. I am apparently becoming a men magnet, and I am not trying to, just being me. What the fuck is going on? HELP!! (Comment below)

Sexual Frustration...

2011-12-20T18:45:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know this isn't about music, but it does fall under the life category. Hey kids and adults out there, sex isn't taboo more good for your health if you are safe about it.

Any..who...I have been networking and meeting cool folks on the social network Google +. Which is a different crowd, but with the Hangout technology brings people together. Those who know me, know that I have been so driven to finish academia and establish a career, that my love life has taken a back seat. Well, through the therapy, and recent changes I have made for myself, I said, "Self, you like men, and your love life has been blotchy due to your personal preferences, it's time to step outside of the box." So the networking I mentioned before has turned into men of around my age and older hitting on me. Now, I know what you are thinking ladies, but it isn't creepy. It's has actually been endearing to me, because I am not used to positive comments about myself, as well as my appearance. I have been caught off guard. Hell, I am loving this...I can't lie.

It brings me to this...let's face it. People need sex, especially after the first time. Well, to cut to the chase, I have had a dry spell for going on 2 years now. I am not a traditional woman, I don't care about feelings surrounding this in terms of LOVE. I do have to like this person. My last experience was very stereotypical young people. Which after reading articles lately, sex can help my anxiety and stress levels, but I digress. A few months I acquired a boyfriend through Google +. I used to never like long distance relationships, but I decided to go along with it. Well, it sucks. Partly due to the status of my life and the status of his life. So miscommunication lead me to break it off with him. In turn, I started to flirt heavily with my business partner, who happens to be a FEW years older than me, but it was intriguing and fun. It got to the point of planning a rendezvous, but acknowledged that it would be inappropriate due to our business relationship. Funny thing about this, is I didn't find this intriguing until I realized he had been fantasizing about me.

So as the holidays approach as well as my birthday in a month in half, can a sista get some "Birthday Sex" or "Sex Therapy"?

Taking a break...

2011-11-18T11:52:00.001-07:00

Those of you who are avid readers of this blog, follow me on various other social networks, or just know me, may have noticed I have been quieter on certain ones. I have gone through a lot of stuff in the last few years as evident by my previous blogs. So it won't be any surprise to you that I have been in the bubble that has been the New Kids on the Block reunion (which really isn't a reunion anymore) as they have saved me from my own self a couple of occasions. You should know where I stand on the joint tour or not by now.

Anyway, I have decided that even though I lurk, I am taking a break from being so enthralled. Just like anything in the news or sports news right now, it seems everything has taken a turn for the worse. It isn't even about who NKOTB tours with or not anymore. It's about the principle they established over 20 years ago, and just over 3 years ago about keeping this bond fresh and organic. Sadly, I have to say that they have fallen into the trap along with MANY Blockheads that is the music business. Since events (tours, solo gigs, cruise, etc) have been extremely successful, more have become available as a part of a routine. The problem is that the world economy isn't improving, rather getting worse. There's a discrepancy between those with the "money" to get to go to as many events as possible, and those with realistic terms. I don't appreciate the lack of fairness with all of the fans throughout the world who have yet to see them due geographical boundaries the band has set forth.

The fun, exciting, unique, and refreshing vibe between NKOTB and us Blockheads from a few years ago isn't the same. Be HONEST with yourself. The "family" we have labeled ourselves isn't as true as you think. As with any big group, cliques have formed, backstabbing/drama has occurred, we have lost members, and people tread softly now. As I mentioned above the music business can take the fun out of something of this deep nature. The New Kids themselves are human, the evolution of Twitter, and their personal preferences have forced the members to use Twitter as a promotion site. The bond established a few years ago is forced now, it just doesn't exist like it did. Lives move on, and with that so does the bond. I have talked to you a lot of you lately that feel the same way, and feel that not every Blockhead is appreciated the same. It's a shame it has gone this way, but it has. :-(

I don't mean to be depressing, but real! We need to propose ways to change the vibe to a more positive vibe. If you don't like the price of an event, it's okay to not to go, and not bitch about it on Twitter. I personally don't really want to give astronomical amounts of money without NEW music. I feel a lot of BH are spoiled, I mean getting pissed because YOU have spent THOUSANDS of DOLLARS on them only to be treated as an equal fan is ridiculous. That just fuels the fire that is supply and demand. I know everybody is free to spend their money how they please, but the trap is sad when you don't even realize what is happening around you. It's not the end of the world if you DO NOT get to go to ANOTHER New Kids on the Block event. Doesn't family, friends, and yourself deserve variety?

Feel FREE to comment and discuss your thoughts here!

I felt SAXY today...

2011-10-23T15:17:00.002-07:00

Here are a couple Bubbletweets from today of me playing my Alto and Bari Saxophones.
http://bbltwt.com/4radh
http://bbltwt.com/oh92k”

Enjoy!

Shout out...

2011-10-22T12:55:00.000-07:00

I have become a "soldier" for @SuperStarDJROS, and you should too! Check out this mix recorded from him rocking the Playboy Club in Vegas!!

When I hear music...

2011-10-19T13:45:00.002-07:00

For those who are avid readers of this blog, you know I am constantly listening to music. Despite the music I own, I enjoy internet radio. My favorite being AOL Radio. I love many genres' of music, but the fact that Freestyle (80 Dance) music has not been forgotten just warms my heart. Music suggestion time!!!

21. Shannon: One of the most prolific artists in this genre. I am sure you have heard the song "Let the Music Play". I don't condone this site, but information is needed. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shannon_(singer)

22. Stevie B: Love the tone of this man's voice. Who doesn't dance to the song "Spring Love"? http://www.myspace.com/steviebmusic

23. Expose: Along with the others, this group shares a unique musicianship as well as girl power! Please check out their website, and social networking sites for updates. http://www.exposeonline.net/

24. Lisa Lisa & The Cult Jam: This group maybe the most known from this era. Their songs "I Wonder If I Take You Home" and "Lost in Emotion" are sure to make you dance or at the very least tap your toe. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lisa_Lisa_and_Cult_Jam

25. Neneh Cherry: Another strong woman in the game with great voice flow. Check out the song "Buffalo Stance"! http://www.nenehcherry.de/

As I wrote this blog with these suggestions, I noticed a really cool thing about this era and genre of music. Mostly ran by strong, talented, and beautiful women!! The genre has been credited to start the dance music that is popular today. All I know is that I love it all! Enjoy! Oh, don't forget to check out 80s Dance on AOL Radio!

Life update 15.1...

2011-10-15T11:15:00.001-07:00

If you find my life, my opinions, my bitching, my musings at all interesting, then you know I recently had a dream (see previous blog entry). Anyways, the dream and other psychological realizations I have had recently have been enlightening more than ever for me. This past week, I FINALLY landed a job as a crew member at the Chipotle Mexican Grill opening here in few weeks. It doesn't have anything to do with sports media/public relations, but the caveat is the ability to transfer anywhere there is a restaurant. You bettah believe it, that I found a way to Bawston (Boston, Beantown, the Bean). WOO!!!

Next up is FINALLY sticking it to the man! I don't have deal with the clusterfuck that was getting my college diploma (degree) anymore. After more than a year of extra classes, I am finally LEGIT. If you are saying to your self, SELF, what is this clusterfuck she had? Then I suggest you explore previous entries on this blog!

Next goals to accomplish, kick ass at this job in terms of impressing my boss, so I can transfer to Boston. Earn some serious money to pay off my credit card debt, pay my other bills, save to move to Boston, and perhaps pay off the cruise (yes, NKOTB Cruise) when my roomie and I get the call. I am also hoping/thinking about joining Team Betty Boston for the Komen 3-Day next year. Thoughts? Who wants to join me?? (Post a comment here please!)

Thanks for reading as always!! Tootles!

Just because...

2011-10-05T10:30:00.002-07:00

This morning @aplusk (Ashton Kutcher) tweeted the link to the EPIC video!! You must watch it!

This is my favorite Led Zeppelin song, and this cover is fucking brilliant!

Enjoy...just because.

My DREAM, no really a dream, not a dream...

2011-10-04T17:38:00.000-07:00

This is the explanation of a dream I had just last night, that out of all my recent and random dreams, freaked me out in a psychological way. (That sounded like the intro to a song.)

In the last few months I went to the doctor for my anxiety and depression, which is still getting better. I was prescribed medications and therapy. Holy shit, exactly what I had needed for awhile. Turns out the daily medication I was on (since I ran out and waiting for a doctor check up) had a side effect of vivid dreams. Other than the insane, random, weird, dreams I have always had, my dreams are vivid; and I am convinced they run together or last longer than your average dream. My therapy sessions have been very helpful other than my other personal remedies (music listening, working out, etc.).

Time to get into the DREAM. Last night had a dream that freaked me out. I dreamt I was at the funeral of a family member of Donnie Wahlberg (Yes, Big Papa) as a guest. In fact I was a personal guest of Big Papa's. From what I remember, this was an open casket funeral, but I of course couldn't see who or what it was. The entire cast of 'Blue Bloods' was there, my real life mother was there, and I assumed the rest of the guests were family and friends of the Wahlbergs. The weird guest appearances in this dream were Will Smith and actor Jeff Goldblum as the officiators of the funeral. Here comes the morbid part other than the obvious, Big Papa was hysterically crying in my arms, and I was in shambles about ways to console him. As this was happening, Will and Jeff used humor to lighten the mood, and celebrate the "life" lost in the room. Then I woke up! CRAZY HUH??

This is the type of dream where I need to figure out the psychological meaning. After asking Twitter family, and chatting with people today, I have my theories, but I am not sure. According to the dream dictionary found at this link... http://dreammoods.com/cgibin/dreamdictionarysearch.pl?method=exact&header=dreamsymbol&search=funeral , they explain it this way... Funeral

To dream of your own funeral,�symbolizes an ending to a situation or aspect of yourself. You may be repressing some of your feelings or parts of yourself. Thus, the dream may be a signal for you to recognize and acknowledge those feelings. Instead of confronting a situation, you are dealing with it by burying it and trying to forget about it. If you are nearing death, a funeral dream may relate to your feelings/anxieties about your own death.�

To dream that you are at somebody else's funeral signifies that you are burying an old relationship and closing the lid on the past. You may be letting go some of the feelings (resentment, anger, hostility toward someone) that you have been clinging onto. If your are dreaming that you are at a funeral of an unknown person, then it suggests that something in your life needs to put to rest or put aside so that you can make room for something new. You need to investigate further what aspect or component of your life you need to let go.

To dream that you are attending a funeral for a still-living parent suggests that you need to separate yourself from your parent's restrictions and confines. The symbolic death may give you the courage you need to take the next step toward your independence and autonomy.

I am thinking my dream relates to the second scenario of the FUNERAL. This is seriously bugging me for real y'all. Deep shit as usual. Post a comment here (not Twitter) to help a sista out. Thanks!

It's that time again...R&B style

2011-09-25T19:21:00.000-07:00

Time to get back to my musical suggestions series after a couple random entries. ;-) Anybody who follows me on Twitter or knows me in general knows that I love Donnie Wahlberg's R&B Back Rub. It has become a tradition for me to listen to Cherrytree Radio every Friday and Sunday evenings to relax my mind, cause we all know with my anxiety, I need to calm the fuck down! So, what better way than to listen to music that moves me with the sweet nothings, and subliminal messages from Big Papa! I know I am not the only one who appreciates this show whether it's new or old episode! There's something sacred, deep, and moving about sharing this with Big Papa, and my Back Rub Gang. ;-)

16. Kool & The Gang: Whether you like new or old music, you will recognize a song or two from this band. In terms of the Back Rub, "Summer Madness" is the song that has become a sexy staple to the show multiple times! http://www.koolandthegang.com/

17. Art of Noise: I have heard them compared to the band Enigma, and I like it. They were popular in the 1980s, but I wish they were still around. I remember hearing this song when I was very, very, young, then what do you know, Big Papa added it to the Back Rub, I fucking love "Moments in Love". http://www.theartofnoiseonline.com/

18. Ready for the World: This band just spells smooth R&B. You know I love them, and their song "Love You Down"!! http://www.readyfortheworld.net/

19. Maxwell: How can I write a Back Rub themed blog without mentioned the smooth singing and stylings of this man? His cover of the Kate Bush song "This Woman's Work" has become a deep and meaningful song between us BH and Big Papa. Not to mention that this is on my list of the most beautiful songs ever! http://www.musze.com/

20. The Floaters: I can't NOT write a Back Rub themed blog without mentioning this group. They're one group from the 70s, who were the inspirations for the newer "boy band" type of groups we know and love today. I love the song "Float On", and to my surprise when the Back Rub began, so does Big Papa. Turns out this song was the inspiration for NKOTB's song "I Wanna Be Loved by You". http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Floaters

I hoped you enjoyed my musical suggestion installment! My goal with my suggestions in general is to broaden your musical horizons whether you have heard of these artists before or not. Later for now!

There's a reason why my screen name is saxy15...

2011-09-22T21:03:00.000-07:00

I am sure I have mentioned in previous life posts or Tweets about the fact that I am a Saxophonist. Yes, I started playing the Alto Saxophone when I was in 7th grade. Then while in band and marching band in high school, I started playing Baritone Saxophone. I continued to play Bari Sax in college in concert band and marching band. I personally love marching band (should be called a sport). I love the rush you get during performance at a football game or band day/festivals. The dedication it takes to be in the Pride of Arizona Marching Band at the University of Arizona is tenfold. It requires 20 hours a week of rehearsals and performances, and during band camp (insert the lame American Pie joke here) it is 16 hours a day for week. This goes without saying, but I am passionate about music from being a musician myself, as well as learning from fellow musicians.

I went a little crazy today on Twitter, and I have been known to do this before. I went down marching band memory lane. So I am going to post Pride of Arizona greatness!!

The following videos are the shows I personally experienced as a member from 2007-2008. Yes, I only did 2 out 4 seasons. My freshman year I was nursing my left knee after surgery, and my senior year I opted to focus on completing academia more.

The following videos are the reason why I joined this band in the first place after seeing these performances live before becoming a student at the U of A as well as during my freshman year. Enjoy!

I seriously could keep going, but I will leave that to you to get hooked! ;-) PROUD BAND GEEK!

Theory on NKOTB hugs...

2011-09-20T17:44:00.001-07:00

What? A new post that isn't a continuation of music suggestions? YES! I like to keep my blog fresh, and despite my run at spewing my guts out in blogs before, time to put my sarcasm to work or not. You be the judge.

Last night after my normal people shit, I sat down to try to watch 6 things at once. OMG...the Fall lineup has begun, and all the networks had to compete with a bang. While trying to figure out if Chaz Bono is on the "Sing Off" or "Dancing With the Stars", and if Alex O' Laughlin is on "Two and Half Men" or "Hawaii 5-O", I checked my trusty NKOTB TweetDeck for Twittah updates. ;-) Life in the NKOTB world is subdued and quite refreshing now. *Whispers* Sports and other things are more exciting to me these days. *Gasp* Speaking of things New Kids on the Block, Jon Knight or @JonathanRKnight Tweeted a musing about the quality of his hugs quite arrogantly. Now Jon girls, don't get your panties in a bunch. I love Jon's wit and arrogance or lack thereof. It makes him Jon. The Tweet read "RT @NKOTBandUs: According to a very scientific poll (my inbox), @JonathanRKnight seems to take the hugging lead, with @DonnieWahlberg at a close second." This then sparked the continuous debate on which NKOTB member gives the best hugs.

People this is important shit...in Blockhead world. God forbid you are a Donnie girl who doesn't give Big Papa praise for "The Best Hugs Ever" or if you are Jon girl strong and willing to voice the same opinion about Jon; I mean you may not get that same experience the next time (tragic). I have had many conversations on Twitter and with Blockhead family in person various times about the opinions and theories on this. NOTE, I did not say I had any experience in this hugging pleasure from any of them. HALT, before you readers who think my encounter with Donnie Wahlberg (Big Papa) in 2010 was a hug before my picture with him, that wasn't a hug! ;-)

See, this brings me to my theory and questions, "What makes a great hug?" "What is the difference between a good hug and a bad one, what is the key factor into determining the winner of said competition? Let's break it down, when you hug people in your family or people you don't know or like, I am guessing those hugs vary. The emotion of hug depends on the vary people hugging each other, and if your attitude about the person you are hugging is the following fantasy "I really hope this hug leads to inappropriate touching, and perhaps a rousing round of tonsil hockey." Then perhaps you expect that hug to be THE BEST HUG EVER. So when my fellow (true) Donnie girls get to hug Big Papa, "he gives the best ever." The following with Joe, Jon, Danny, and Jordan girls (although I rarely hear or see Jordan girls with such strong opinions). Huh? However, if you love yet not LOVE this person, then I am guessing that hug won't meet your best expectations, thus the ranking of the 5 members commences granted you have hugged them.

As I alluded to earlier, my hug with Big Papa was half ass, due to the story of events of that weekend which is another blog entry in itself. I have never done a 5* or 4*, because I have strong theories on those although the Ultimate is intriguing minus the price, but I digress. I have yet sail on the SSNKOTB, so I will keep you posted on my theory. So let's recap my theory, the person you connect yourself (ie. Donnie girl/boy, Jon girl/boy) will give the best hugs based on your attitude, and if they want to hug you back (i.e. the half ass hug). Big Papa's quest to hug everybody in the world has certainly rubbed off on the other members, but that must get exhausting.

I must continue my quest to hug all 5, and join all of you in the tragic rankings of who gives the best NKOTB hugs EVER!

Concert for New York just inspires...

2011-09-11T19:19:00.001-07:00

As I sit here on the 10th anniversary of 9/11 watching the Concert For New York on VH1 (re-broadcast), I got inspired to continue with my music suggestion series.

11. THE WHO: C'Mon, if you don't know who The Who are by now, well, get with it. There's a band name to go behind the CSI theme song. ;-) http://www.thewho.com/

12. Planet12LAW: I became aware of this real artist via the networking on Twitter. This man is a music fan, a NKOTB fan, a New Edition fan, and a all around great guy! Buy his album that happened to grace the Grammy ballot last year. http://www.planet12law.com/

13. Robyn: Yes, another Cherrytree Records artist that has great songs, and a great singing style. Just sample her music and style for yourself! http://www.cherrytreerecords.com

14. La Roux: Another hot artist from, you guessed it... Cherrytree Records! http://www.cherrytreerecords.com

15. LMFAO: If you haven't heard "Shots", "I'm in Miami Bitch", or the party anthem of Summer 2011 "Party Rock Anthem", then I don't know where you have been for the last 3 years. Oh yeah, another Cherrytree Records artist! http://www.lmfaomusic.com

I happen to like this music suggestions series I got goin' on right now. Hope you do too!

I NEVER FORGET those who perished on this day 10 years ago, as well as those who sacrifice daily to keep me safe!

Music, music, music?

2011-09-08T14:20:00.000-07:00

As I continue to be a music junkie daily, I got inspired for my next installment of 5 artists or groups that I believe y'all would enjoy or already enjoy. I have an eclectic taste in music minus country, but who knows I may surprise you one of these installments. ;-)

6. ItaloBrothers: I was introduced to this group of guys by my best friend who also happens to be a music junkie via his blog. The song "Stamp on the Ground" is so fucking catchy, you can't help but dance or add it to your work out playlist. Please check out their website http://www.italobrothers.de/ and social networking sites!

7. BT: Another favorite in one of my favorite genres...dance! I first heard his song "Somnambulist" on dance radio years ago, and he has been killing the music scene through composing, producing, and performing all over the world. You know the drill by now! http://www.btmusic.com/

8. David Sanborn: One of my mentioned influences. Why you ask? Well, he's a Saxophonist in the jazz world, primarily smooth jazz world. The dude just rules, and collaborates with others to intertwine genres such as funk, and rock to his songs. http://www.davidsanborn.com/

9. Dave Koz: Yep another smooth jazz Saxophonist and influence. You may recognize the name from his cameo on the show "Family Matters" in the early 90s or his recent appearance at Kim Kardashian's wedding. I have been a fan of his since I was VERY young! Oh, by the way, he was one of the first artists to pioneer fan/artist cruises! http://www.davekoz.com/

10. Candy Dulfer: Yes, another smooth jazz Saxophonist, but a WOMAN in the game!! I have loved her music for years!! I respect the collaborations and musicianship she possesses!! In fact she just released a new album infused with FUNK!! http://www.candydulfer.nl/

Hope you have enjoyed or enjoy this latest installment!! Time to expand your horizons!

Back to Music...

2011-09-04T18:10:00.002-07:00

My recent posts have been about my life or my passion and disdain for a certain tour. Well, that tour is over for now. I must shift my focus to causes within the music realm.

First of all, I would love to speak about my unofficial official title within the Blockhead community, International Blockhead Ambassador. The New Kids on the Block have done a great job touring North America in such tours as...reunion, Spring, Full Service, and Casi-NO tour (which included the 3 nights at Radio City Music Hall), and just recently the NKOTBSB tour. All of which have happened within the last 3 years. At the end of the reunion tour, they also did their part by touring in Mexico and heading over to Europe and the United Kingdom. All positive, and with this comes the networking that the internet and mediums such as forums, Facebook, blogs, Twitter, etc. with people from all over the world. The bond that us Blockheads have formed, and share is unlike any other, and has been a joy from personal experience. I know you are waiting for my point, here it is...as this journey with NKOTB continues, they need to continue what they began when they started as well as 3 years ago by touring or at the very least doing a show or two in areas they haven't toured yet. Despite the cancelled tour in Australia and New Zealand, they are patiently waiting as well as Blockheads in South America, Asia, and Japan. I hope I am not the only Blockhead native to the United States that feels this way. As we all have shared, the power of music and how it brings people together no matter, the gender, race, sexual orientation, language, and geographical boundary is quite powerful!

My next order of business is to share links to information about artists and groups that also exist in the world. Despite the New Kids on the Block being back in our lives, there is other music to enjoy! ;-)

1. The English Channel: Just check out their website and networking sites on their talent. You'll be amazed by the talent from this duo! http://www.theenglishchannel.net/ Please become a fan on their Facebook, follow their Tumblr and Twitter accounts as well!

2. Frankmusik: This British man is from the UK, and is a part of the Cherrytree Records family who currently has song collaborations with FarEastMovement and others. Please check him out here... http://www.frankmusik.com/ as well as the normal networking sites!

3. Sam Sparro: I have been a fan of this guy for a few years now. He has a great voice from his mentors in the business that we all respect. I love his self titled album Sam Sparro! Please do the same as above at http://www.samsparro.com/

4. Benny Benassi: I fucking love this guy! I fucking love dance, electronic, trance, etc music. I am sure you have heard his music in the past such as the song "Satisfaction". I know you have recently heard or should hear his collaboration with Chris Brown "Beautiful People". Yes, I know I am not a Chris Brown fan either, but I love this song! Please show your love http://www.bennybenassi.com/ !

5. Akcent: I should mention I come across music by listening and researching these days. I am a music junkie. With that said I came across this band when their single "Kylie" came on my dance radio station a few years ago. It's catchy, and these men are good looking. ;-) http://www.akcentonline.com/ The same routine with Twitter, Facebook, and You Tube.

I will continue my music suggestions 5 artists/groups at time on the next installment. This should be enough to expand your musical horizons for a bit! Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment here!

Life update 15.0...

2011-08-06T18:45:00.000-07:00

Normally my passion for music/disdain for something has attracted you fine people to read this blog. I have to feel inspired to write, and lately my anxiety/depression has inspired most of my blogs. If you are looking for positive blogs, I have written them. Sadly, my life has not improved, and my recent move back to my hometown has done what I predicted it would do. I worked my whole adolescent life to get the fuck out of my hometown that is a black hole full of conservative old people, and drugs for the youth. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't be the person I am, if it wasn't for being born and raised here. I recently went to my Doctor to catch him up on my anxiety and depression, and long and behold, I was prescribed two anti-anxiety medications and therapy. Well, hot diggity dog, I knew I needed this shit.

I used to be very positive about life, but after my last year of getting into horrible debt, having a falling out with my roommate I considered a friend (well BH sister), still searching for my career, and finally ending up in the worst place for me; I would say all of this is really negative, and makes every day hard to live. My constant fighting with my folks, just sucks. I have come to the conclusion, that no matter how much people help you out financially, that's not what is important. Like I have mentioned in blog entries before, I feel like the black sheep of my family, and due to being an Aquarius, and who I feel the need to just not associate with negative people. Those who know me or follow me on Twitter or the like, know I value the friendships I have with fellow Blockheads. I enjoy having fun with my friends from all of my circles. If we have spoken, you probably know how I feel about you. If you don't, I apologize, and that just my nature of assuming you know. I tend to put others before myself, but people usually misunderstand that. Perhaps before judging me, people should try to walk a mile in my shoes. The world is just so fucking depressing right now from wars, to countries going broke, to natural disasters.

On the other hand, the encouragement I get from those who make the effort to know me, and have compassion for other humans is just refreshing. I learned the hard way this past year, about who to trust when the tough gets going. I should have known true colors would come out as soon as shit hit the fan for me. You live and you learn. It's shit like this over the years, that makes me guarded. I guess you could say, I feel betrayed by this person. Then again how do you respond to the phrase, "I hate you with a fucking passion!"? Another friendship down the drain.

My passion for music and sports helps me daily. The experience as a BH is uplifting through the times we have had over the past 3 years. Donnie Wahlberg inspires me daily, and I fucking love that man! I know my fluency in sarcasm says otherwise, but I respect and admire him just like the rest of you! That man just has an aura about him, that uplifts you at the perfect time. The rest of the New Kids ain't bad either. ;-)

Back to the matters at hand, how the fuck do I get out my situation? I don't care where I live at this point (my dreams were Boston), just as long as I can get out of my life rut, and find happiness. Help a sister out by commenting here!!!

Jordan Knight on Lopez Tonight fun....

2011-07-18T21:40:00.003-07:00

New @NKOTB album!

2011-07-12T12:13:00.000-07:00

Please read and sign this if you agree!!

http://twitition.com/5q2u7

Have a nice day!!

NKOTBSB hits Vegas...

2011-07-06T20:36:00.001-07:00

If you read my blog, you know where I stand on this joint tour. Anyways, the opportunity to go to the Las Vegas NKOTBSB show via a free ticket won at 98.5 KLUC, and the quest to be with my BH Family presented itself. I gladly took it due to needing a weekend full of fun and laughter! Again, if you re-read my old posts, I never said I wouldn't go to a show if a FREE ticket presented itself nor did I say I didn't want to share another weekend with Blockhead family.

Let me say, I had a blast partying with Kellie my partner in crime all weekend; so many memories made over 4 days! I had fun catching up with BH from everywhere! I love the feeling of a convention of BH when NKOTB events happen. Especially on a holiday weekend with events surrounding it, plus the "Official NKOTB After Party" at Chateau Nightclub!

Knowing all of this, I am sure all who are reading are just dying to know what I thought of the show. As always NKOTB fucking killed it...hands down. On the other hand, Backstreet Boys entertained, and did a good job; yet I am still not a fan. I am not rushing out to buy their music, nor do I appreciate them butchering Prince or ACDC. Again, they did their thing entertaining and pleasing their die hard fans. After talking to many other BH, I came to the conclusion that there was a weird aura surrounding that day causing the crowd to be quieter than normal. I tried to have the best time with my fellow BH in my section, but being that we were surrounded by Backstreet Boys fans, it was different. I didn't feel the euphoria the whole time due to my love and dislike for the other.

Conditionally, y'all would be proud of me for understanding concert etiquette regardless if I like the performers and performance or not. I didn't like the rude comments from BSB fans around me as I was enjoying NKOTB. I didn't understand the sitting at the concert or having two people by me leave half way through the concert. I felt that most of our section needed a crash course in music in general. How do you not know who BBD or Montell Jordan is as NKOTB did brilliant mashups? I understand the age difference in fans, but really? Maybe, I am just educated in music. Oh, when both bands were introducing each other, could it kill you to support your guys at least? I know not all Backstreet Boys fans are like this, but WOW. I have to say the MVP of the show was Griffin McIntyre, and Joey bringing him up to sing "Tonight". That was just fucking adorable. I could nitpick every little difference between NKOTB and BSB, but I am sure that has been done before.

I leave you with photos from this weekend!

I am just...numb (continued)

2011-06-14T16:38:00.000-07:00

As much as I take pride in my nature to be blunt, my blunt ass has the potential to offend people. I don't have any intentions of offending or hurting people who read this blog. This is a place for me to express how I am feeling about music and life. My negative undertone concerning this tour (NKOTBSB) breeds the assumptions that I see everything as negative. I just feel that the vast and deep Blockhead family built due to the New Kids on the Block reuniting gets lost within itself. Meaning that the diverse group we are has flaws in trying to be perfect. I have seen Tweets and talked to fellow Blockheads about our family being the place to get away from our "real" life issues and such. Those outside our family don't get it the bond we all share.

I just hope that as more opportunities to meet or see NKOTB in concert doesn't continue the road of backstabbing, and every person for themselves. Cliques are inevitable with people, especially within my experience. I just hope us Blockheads don't lose sight of why or how we know each other in the first place. Those Blockheads who continue to see more and more show with VIP privileges SHOULD NOT forget that there A LOT of Blockhead who still have yet to have than one moment! Please don't take your experiences for granted, and continue this ugly side of bitching about things due to your sense of entitlement!

I am just...numb

2011-06-11T21:14:00.000-07:00

Yep, it has been a minute since my last entry. I have to be inspired or feel like I have something worthwhile to say.

I have come to the conclusion that I am just numb. The end! Haha! Let me explain. Between the constant struggling of my life, and the feeling of disappointment with something so dear to me (NKOTB), I am just to the point or numbness. Not to keep bringing up points from previous entries, but I feel like just when I find a positive outlet, it just gets fucking ruined. If you have read this blog or talked to me, you know what the New Kids On the Block reunion has done for me. If you feel like I am being dramatic, then why are you reading this? I am just so sick of the rose covered glasses, the naivety, and the drama. I should have known better when entering this "family"; I should have realized shit was about to go down hill. Perhaps we are going through a phase, a rough patch if you will? The lesson learned here...quality over quantity. I love knowing and learning from a lot of people, but when it turns fake, its time to reevaluate things. Despite me being a blockhead, I look at things a lot different from others. First of all, I see the members as men..human. They aren't a piece of meat. They have good and bad days. I RESPECT the hell out of them for the mutual love, yet I feel the vibe has changed during this "phase" to business. Again, I am sure the Backstreet Boys are good people, I am just not a fan. I still don't agree with this tour. If it wasn't for peer pressure to go for FREE tickets, I still wouldn't go to a show.

DON'T GET ME WRONG!! I am extremely proud, and happy for the BOSTON bread boys in playing FENWAY PAAAHK tonight! I just feel the other guys just don't get it. Eh. You can agree or not. The surprises, and the pride I am sure their families had, probably outweighs the cons. I am realistic, my opinions or feelings once again don't matter. My passion and emotion has just gotten to the scary point of just not feeling anything to added depression/anxiety I already have causing sudden breakdowns :-( Could be I am a masochistic. I just torture myself. Then again, I haven't had the experiences that a majority of blockheads have had; but I can't forget I am also blessed for my experiences.

Along those lines, I shouldn't care this much to not care. I have other things that I am passionate about. Could it be that I feel SO FUCKING HORRIBLE about things right now, I am suppressing them to the point of numbness? Yep, that's my MO.

Team Betty Las Vegas...

2011-05-08T16:17:00.000-07:00

One day many months ago, I woke up wanting to be pro-active about a cause. Let me tell you, this isn't my first rodeo giving back to the community. I love giving back!! Since the reunion of the New Kids on the Block, us Blockheads have become very pro-active in giving back to cause dear to NKOTB as well as us. The loss of Danny Wood's mother Betty to Breast Cancer 11 years ago was very tragic (Remember Betty). Did you know that Breast Cancer is the second deadliest cancer to women in the world?

Since Team Betty's at various Susan G. Komen events have been gaining momentum for over 3 years now, I created a team here in Las Vegas for us Blockheads to join. I knew the word was out, and that others wanted to join as well. For months, I got our name out to our fellow Team Betty members across the country, as well as raised funds for our team. I felt it was important to bring honor to Betty Wood, fallen, and the survivors of this horrific disease. I may not have a specific tie yet; keyword being yet. Breast Cancer does NOT age discriminate! The research on this disease really opens your eyes to the magnitude, and the quest to find a cure! Many Blockheads would say that my intentions with this team weren't noble, and that I just wanted to get recognition from Danny Wood. You couldn't be more incorrect if I smacked you in your ass. Like I have mentioned, I get euphoria out of helping others.

May 7, 2011 arrived with 13 members registered and ready to participate in the race for the cure! Not everybody was able, but the Sleep In for the Cure option is very clever and convenient. To date the team has raised 84% of the goal, which translates into $1,267 of the $1,500 goal. I couldn't be more proud to be a part of this team. Any donations were appreciated, but to almost reach our goal in these hard times we are living in is beyond amazing. The event was beyond moving seeing the many generations of women that have been affected. Not to mention to hear that a record 20,000 people showed up to find a cure in historic downtown Las Vegas!

I urge anybody to join a cause or two or many, and participate. It truly opens your eyes as well as your heart. GOOD NEWS...we can still raise funds till May 31, 2011. So, if you haven't had the chance to donate to our team, you still can! Let's get to that 100%!!! Here's the link...

http://southernnevada.info-komen.org/site/TR/RacefortheCure/LAS_SouthernNevadaAffiliate?team_id=147563&pg=team&fr_id=2095

Thank You!!!

Too passionate to care?

2011-04-26T17:10:00.000-07:00

Have you ever gave up something extremely important to you in order to straighten your life out? Yeah, I am sure you have or haven't. Depends. My recent decision to not go on the New Kids on the Block cruise has devastated me, but I have gotten stronger from it. With the recent shit that has gone down (see previous entries), I have had to realize who has my back and who does not. Yeah, normal life lessons. I figure I will get the chance to meet my BH Family at events or venues in the future. Perhaps at Fenway Park in Boston or the Las Vegas show at Mandalay Bay Hotel. There are specific reason why those shows are now in grasp, and in my potential plans. Eh. Ask me later.

Anyway, I have a very uneasy feeling about this "forbidden yet happening tour". I understand positivity, but this thing isn't positive at all. It's completely business. Jordan Knight just put it all out there, by saying their shared agent put the groups together. Yep, sucking the teat. At least it is out in in the open now. I know why the vibe sucks now, why the camaraderie on Twitter is fake, why everything is business or competition as well. The betrayal I feel is at least exposed now, the best thing to come out of this is that I have BH Family. After reading my previous entries, it shouldn't be a surprise I can't fucking stand Jordan Knight's single nor the joint single. SAY NO to AUTO-TUNE. I want world NKOTB domination, but for the right reasons. I shouldn't be treated differently for not liking everything NKOTB. In fact, it is refreshing and liberating to stick it to the man. I don't get the feeling that I am a part of a cult. Yep, I went there. CULT (as defined by Websters): a usually small group of people characterized by such devotion. There's more to life than the New Kids on the Block.

Life isn't all peaches and roses, as evident from my life. I love positivity as much as the next person, but I value reality more. Perhaps I am too passionate to care.

Psychotic meltdown...

2011-04-02T01:54:00.000-07:00

If you have been a loyal reader of this blog, then you already know about my past, present, and future. You know I am a extremely passionate about music and sports. You know I am a Blockhead. You know I am blunt, and sarcastic. What you might not know is that with all of the drama with people or things I love getting ruined over and over again, I have an absorbent amount of anxiety/stress. I have known about this my whole life as things have gotten better, really more worse over the years.

In discovering who I am daily, I have figured out that I may have undiagnosed Attention Deficit Disorder, I long to be a perfectionist, and I have been told that I may have a genius IQ. Not that I give a shit about IQ or the prestige, or tell this to you to brag. As life turns out to be imperfect with ups and downs, I begin to self destruct mentally and emotionally. I OVER ANALYZE everything causing me to get frustrated. Most of these revelations came throughout my personal academic hell of college. Don't get me wrong, I did it for the degree, but hated almost every second; and to this day I am still dealing with a clusterfuck (see previous posts).

I tell you about this to help all who read this to understand what I am NOT blunt about. I am very blunt about my passion in my hobbies and beliefs/views. Probably the number one thing you need to know about me is as shit gets rough or people fail to understand where I am coming from, I put up a guard that can at times be impossible to break. I don't like to show emotion, and I think that comes from underhanded comments about my emotions during situations where people don't understand my passion over the years. In my observation, people think I am calm cool and collected; which I can be. However, being the Aquarius that I am, the more people poke and prod at an emotion, the more likely for my emotion to build. I really don't like to burden people with my emotions. (Can you tell that this blog is therapy for me?)

Knowing this shit here's the breakdown of why I decided to send myself to the ER to deal with shit. If you have read previous entries, you know that a majority of my anxiety comes from not getting along with my father. That being said, in a phone call to my folks the other night, I was sent over the edge about everything that has been building. Between their drama, to my unemployment and lack of money, to me becoming more and more passionate about things daily, I have been having frequent anxiety attacks for months. For those who haven't experienced anxiety attacks, imagine not being able to breathe and not having any control over your emotions. Along with the attacks, I have been having more and more migraine headaches. On this day, I had a severe migraine that had lasted almost 2 days at this point. Here's where the depression comes into view, and crying just doesn't stop. The more and more I get inside my head about how fucked my life is, the worse my anxiety attack and migraine become to the point where I was convulsing. Oh, forgot to mention that the most positive thing going for me in 2011, the NKOTB Cruise, was going down the tubes with my financial situation, and that I was coming to grips that canceling was inevitable. The thing about this cruise is that I knew that it was going to be the escape I needed from life. Nonetheless, the pressure to cancel from the folks, and my logic sent me over the edge. I feel to this day that I am not happy with my life. My excruciating head pain as well as advice from Blockhead sisters urged me to call 911 for emergency help. Yeah, to numb the PAIN I plotted to down a bottle of my pain killers and drink a lot of alcohol on top, knowing that that was to be a lethal combination.

Let's fast forward to checking into the hospital, I was admitted to the psych ward of the ER. Duh. This is where my stint gets fucked up. The evaluation of the Doctors and nurses comes to the conclusion to call those who sent me over the edge in the first place. I love my folks and truly appreciate what they have done for me, but the drama outweighs the positives. I know they do it out of LOVE, but again the drama outweighs the positives. In order for me to not be sent to a mental institution as well as discharged, they were told to drive here. I have known for awhile that I need medications and therapy concerning my life.

See this isn't the first time I hit dark days and suicidal thoughts. Three years ago, during my junior year of college, I was burnt out with life. My savior 3 years ago, a announcement that New Kids on the Block had reunited with a new album and tour. The positivity that they sparked has been rewarding and refreshing. Not to mention the networking us fans have done since the reunion. The LOVE/bond we share is unlike anything in the world. (Shit...here comes the waterworks.)

I have longed to tell the members of the New Kids on the Block their influence on my life for awhile. Just short of an hour of being discharged, I sent a tweet to Donnie Wahlberg (AKA Big Papa) explaining how they have saved my life years before. Well, Big Papa, pays more attention to my timeline than I thought, and to my surprise got a DM (to remain private) just minutes later. I fucking love you BIG PAPA! I can't thank you enough, and I really hope to get the chance to tell you the extent of what you mean to me. *tears*

Let's just say...yes...I am better...but there's still a lot of shit I have to deal with to get somewhere. Confronting people who love to tell me how to live is a priority on my list.

Later!

Competing for tickets...

2011-03-24T11:28:00.000-07:00

http://kluc.radio.com/2011/03/24/thursday-on-the-zoo-43/

Yep, I was on the radio this morning competing for tickets I don't really want to be completely honest. However, I went because the word FREE was attached and I love my Blockhead sisters!

One word...CLASS!

Shit happens...

2011-03-22T16:30:00.000-07:00

One thing 2011 has taught me is that SHIT HAPPENS! The year began pretty well work wise, and in January I had hopes to pay off things looming in the distance. Well, shit happened in terms of bills ruining those plans. Then comes February where I hoped something stable job wise would come along with the temp agency for which I had been working. Well, shit happened, and Office Team has yet to call me up with opportunities. With all of my sudden free time, I went back into panic job search mode, diligently searching and applying. See, as shit happens with unemployment, you start to reevaluate the quest for the "perfect" job.

Fast forward to Mid-March, where NKOTB cruise payment, flight for the cruise, and bills are still looming. I received a phone call from an insurance company wanting me to interview for a job. Now, going into this after the other insurance interviews, I had no intension of considering it. Well, shit happens during the presentation where I begin to realize that if I use my time to get going on this job instead of waiting around for the perfect job, I will be moving forward. I run the news by my folks, well, instead of support about getting a job, I get drama saying that's the wrong decision for me. You see, my folks have been nagging me to move back to where I desperately got out of due to legit reasons, during my employment struggles. Now, I understand where they are coming from, but they still have yet to see where I am coming from. I am happier here despite my struggles, and moving again would only set me back. There's no guarantees anywhere with the way the economy is these days.

With all of these facts, one thing still looms, I need to get my insurance license to move forward with this job. The process would only take about a week or two. However, it costs some money (all of which the company would reimburse me for), and I still have bills, cruise payment, and such to pay. My folks have been helping me out, but they really want me to sell my cruise spot (then again they haven't approved from the beginning of my NKOTB love). I received some news about my tax refund coming any day now. I had planned to use it on the cruise and my class for my license. Still don't know about everything else, because apparently I suck at life by not trying hard enough to make everything work out. I feel in order to get people off of my back, I must do what make them happy, sacrificing my happiness yet again. You have probably been noticing my anxiety/panic attacks lately. I have had horrible anxiety my whole life that coincides with the ADD I think I have, and my quest to be perfect. With shit happening, I am having attacks now, and I have had more than a few people tell me I need medications or therapy. How am I supposed to pay for this? My anxiety would be gone, if people trusted me enough to get going on things. My "soon to be" boss even approves of me going on the cruise. His words were, "We all need to have personal fun time from time to time." This cruise would be the break from my constant stressed filled life I need.

Any comments or advice concerning things? (Please comment here, not elsewhere.)

"New"?

2011-03-14T20:58:00.000-07:00

Normally when a fanbase has been yearning for a brand new album for two years, and the artist has said that if the fans demanded it, they would make a NEW album; wouldn't that mean a new album with brand new or unheard songs? Apparently, that really isn't the case with New Kids on the Block. As I have explained over and over in previous entries my disdain of the business marriage of New Kids on the Block and Backstreet Boys, why do we have to pay the price with a album of mashups and songs already recorded? I don't care that they gave us Blockheads the freedom to vote on songs for this LAZY album. Have you looked at the ballot? The rigidity of the ballot astounds me! Before you go on attack mode, I have gotten feedback from people who agree with the collaboration with BSB, that don't agree with this album. Why have a ballot when most of what I have seen today is writing in songs that failed to make the ballot. The wide array of repertoire from NKOTB proves that they don't just have a few good songs. Since I am not really a BSB fan, I will leave that side of the ballot out.

I can remember back when "The Block" was released, and New Kids on the Block said in interviews during promotion that they had more songs than what was released. You mean to tell me you can't put those on an album, and two and half years later, nothing else has been recorded?! Yeah, I am not that naive when I pay attention to details. Since this joint tour is happening, we all knew joint songs were bound to happen, but to release a mashup album? Really? Re-recording songs will not make this better, because that is in a sense, a remix album. What happened to the originality and display of talent in a NEW album? Honestly, this does NOT make any sense business wise either. It isn't available for my international Blockhead family to preorder. That is just bullshit. They have it unfair enough that some areas of the world still have yet to see NKOTB perform live on their turf. So the attitude of going along with this on the premise of that being the only way to eventually get love is just too much pressure for all parties involved. Hey NKOTB and Management, a BRAND NEW SEPARATE ALBUM would sell just as well, if not better. Then again, when Joey and Jordan have confirmed in recent interviews that the tour is going to be mashups anyway, I guess voting on familiar songs also creates the set list for the tour. Congrats NKOTB, this is addition to Team Boycott!

I am very appreciative of this reunion, and the fact New Kids on the Block are having fun being reunited, not mention all of the family I have gained. I feel this is just being lazy on both bands part, then again this whole thing is SUSPECT. With the way technology is today, I know it doesn't take everybody to be in the studio recording together. That means the excuse of separation during these breaks between tours shouldn't be an excuse. Try again.

Dearest NKOTB, could you explain yourselves, and perhaps clarify what you mean by new?

New Vegas regulahs...

2011-03-13T15:39:00.002-07:00

First, let me begin with the "last supper". About 17 of the @LV_Constituency met at Gardunos in Palms for a dinner of laughter and fun before VIP and show. This also includes our honorary/adoptive members from other states. ;-) Despite me not feeling 100%, I was loving the dinner. Immediately following dinner, majority checked in for VIP, while the rest of us got in line for general admission. Cue chit chat, people watching, and meeting other Blockheads in line. Hearing VIP stories before we are set to be let in the lounge will never get old. I love the joy on the faces from everybody after VIP.

Fast forward to SHOW TIME!! The stage was set, the #VegasConstituency was set, and to quote Joey from a previous show, I was ready to get "my ass blown and shit." As I have said in the previous entries, my musical passion is so FUCKING AROUSED by the duo weekly. I have a new profound respect for Joey and Eman after all of these shows. Their talent is just fucking endearing. I love their witty banter, their random moments, their fuck ups, the whole kit and kaboodle. I know us in the #VegasConstituency have been reppin', but that doesn't warrant shit talking from others. Let's respect each other as fans y'all.

Other that the normal emotional performances of the NKOTB Medley, Frank/Elvis, the following performance blew my fucking mind...

*Hands you a tissue* So I don't leave you on that note, I want to leave you with this EPIC MOMENT from Eman.

I really can't thank Joey McIntyre and Emanuel Kiriakou for these shows, and the love for the @LV_Constituency enough. To quote Joey from the "Coming Home" DVD, "Good stuff folks, Good stuff." See you in October new Vegas regulahs! ;-)

"One Night" is really not enough...

2011-03-06T17:02:00.005-07:00

Yeah, so..um..us in the #VegasConstituency are getting used to these weekly Joey McIntyre and Emanuel Kiriakou shows. SPOILED. The awesome meeting and hanging out with fellow Blockheads is a constant joy.

Last night (March 5, 2011), started off with a few of us going to McMullans Pub for the St. Baldrick's charity event to raise money for cancer research. Us Vegas locals had gotten wind from the radio station 98.5 KLUC, that Carrot Top and Joey McIntyre were going to be at the event as celebrity head shavers. The event was extremely successful, and thousands of dollars was raised for cancer research.

Immediately after that, we all met at The Palms for dinner, hanging in line, and the show. Since this weekend was extremely busy for event in Vegas and The Palms, we saw DJ Pauly D, Vinny, and Denaa from The Jersey Shore randomly. Kelley (@JonBudaBellyGrl), Heidi (@NewKids4Vegas), and I met, talked and took pictures with MTV VJ Sway. Good times!

Moving on...the Joe Show was set to begin. The new intro from last week's show was again performed, along with beautiful renditions of the rest of their set list. I along with the constituency was sad "The Rose" was left out, but Joey and Eman were frustrated with that weeks ago. Don't get me wrong, the show was great, but the vibe was off. It just didn't have the EPIC vibe of last week's show, plus it was a lot shorter than previous shows. I missed the comedy show between songs from the duo. After discussing the show further with Kelley, the reason could have been due to the crowd vibe being uneven to play off of on stage. Oh well, I am very appreciative I got to go again and represent with the "gang".

Apparently, the #VegasConstituency has a rep to protect with Eman and Joe. ;-) So we were able to get a picture with Eman after the show. Thank you so much Eman!!

Until next time...check out my pictures or You Tube channel!

Also check out this interview from the Las Vegas Sun...(Joey is 40 minutes in) http://www.lasvegassun.com/podcasts/kats-dish/2011/mar/03/carrot-top-joey-mcintyre/

Confused...

2011-03-01T10:14:00.002-07:00

The thought of Jordan Knight's #DeluxePackage finally arriving today is bliss in Blockhead world.;-) (Either you get the joke or not.) I first thought of writing this entry out of anger for what the song "Lets Go Higher" turned out to be, but I have decided I am more confused than anything. As many previous entries have explained, my passion for the New Kids has come from the originality and raw talent they possess. I understand change as time goes by, but I am just confused as to why Jordan Knight (and Joey McIntyre) would succumb to the auto tune masking escapades the top 40 represent these days in music. Perhaps the constant disrespect from critics, and naysayers over the years has gotten to the members of NKOTB causing them to go along with the grain?

Don't get me wrong, I love dance music (which includes trance, electronica, etc, I have for years. That stems for my love for 80's Dance/Freestyle where it began. In fact, it seemed to be a cult kind of genre. Now it seems like every artist is collaborating, and going dance to appeal to the masses. I will say I am a Little Monster for Lady Gaga, but I find her completely original. For the record, screw Ke$ha, she has based her entire career on Lady Gaga. You can't forget how long Lady Gaga (well Stephanie Meyer) has been in the music business as a songwriter/producer.

I am just confused as to why Jordan Knight has decided to go along with the industry. Some have agreed that the music industry is imploding, but perhaps it's going through a phase?

February Summary... part deux

2011-02-27T14:15:00.003-07:00

Okay, so I shouldn't have written my summary till probably now. You see, that is interesting thing about life. Shit happens.

So I was fortunate to go to the final Joey McIntyre and Emanuel Kiriakou show of the month last night. Along with the usual yet awesome thing of meeting and hanging out with fellow Blockheads before during and after the show, the show itself was FUCKING EPIC. Why? Well, (not to spoil the surprise Joey and Eman have/had), the show was set up with microphones and equipment to record the show, to eventually turn into a "CD". What does that mean (other than the obvious)? Well, that it was a seriously UNPLUGGED show where basically anything goes more than usual. Joey and Eman added a new intro that was unexpected. Demanded re-dos of songs, and our "fake" crowd noise. (Oh, I would like to shout out the Lounge at The Palms for the organization with VIP and GA lines, which made everything so smooth.) Along with their HILARIOUS witty banter, Eman pulled out some serious stops with the random yet awesome songs from the 80's. I really hope the CD captures those moments, because I was so in the moment that I don't remember specific details. Basically, the random/train wrecks in the show, make the show.

I am so stoked they decided to "Play Vegas" this month (my birthday month). I am stoked for what is come with the future shows (if I am able to attend). Although, there was an inkling to the announcement in the Las Vegas Review Journal last night that FALL SHOWS are in the works. I can't express how appreciative I am to have had these experiences. My passion for music and performance is so aroused with these shows, it isn't even funny! A thing I have liked/been impressed with these intimate shows, it the respect by us fans for the performances themselves. Very different feel than the hysteria of a NKOTB show. :-) Granted there still is the fun, the heckling, and laughter, the musical respect is refreshing.

I have to say one of my favorite moments of the show last night (other than Joe and Eman seeing my #VegasConstituency sign for the 3rd week in a row), would be when Heidi (@NewKids4Vegas) and I requested "POPSICLE" and Joe responded with "I got your Popsicle right heah." Fucking hilarious!! I can't forget "The Godfather" spoofs/skits randomly thrown in there by the pair. Shit, I can't forget, I was finally able to give Joey McIntyre my #VegasConstituency sign after the show. Thanks Joe for the "Thank you" when I gave you my sign. You were so gracious, and I know you were exhausted.

Till next time...later! ;-)

February Summary...

2011-02-20T20:09:00.003-07:00

Yeah, yeah, I know February isn't quite over yet, but it's very close. I should deem this month Joey McIntyre and Emanuel Kiriakou month. Yes, the duo has totally spoiled me this month in terms of great shows every Saturday at midnight at The Lounge at The Palms in Las Vegas. From the EPIC performances of great songs or made bad songs better to their banter that cracks me up, good times have been had by all going to the shows. Meeting/partying with fellow Blockheads has been a blast like usual.

It's true, my birthday was this past Wednesday. I appreciate the birthday wishes and support from everybody. Still shocked by the birthday Tweet from Donnie Wahlberg! I fucking love you Big Papa! ;-) Being sick on my birthday, not ideal, but it wasn't horrible. I really hope life works out for me in terms of my future plans. I am sick of my horrible anxiety attacks.

Oh, and to elaborate on a previous blog. "Mr. Perfect" has disappeared. What makes a person ask you out, something possibly happen, then to not return any signs of being alive? Just so frustrating and disheartening, not to mention still intrigues me. I am sick of disrespect. I could go on and on this subject, but I won't.

Thanks for reading! :-)

My Sports Blog...

2011-02-01T20:09:00.003-07:00

I now have a blog devoted to my Sports thoughts and musings, and to possibly get a job in the sports industry in the future. Please check it out y'all!!

http://sportswhereitis.tumblr.com/

Perfection or no perfection?

2011-02-01T15:22:00.004-07:00

Well, I believe I have found my brothers from another mother. I am talking about my co-workers and boss at Barret-Jackson. The back story...Office Team hooked me up with the bunch for the auto auction this past September. Well, due to my insane hard work, I have been able to stay busy in Vegas working, and was able to work the Grand Daddy of them in all in Arizona recently. Through the insane days and long hours I was able to bond with my co-workers (mostly male) varying in ages. It was a blast, and may breed more work for me in the future.

In the midst of it all, I gained a special bond with a co-worker, who after hours of talking, this bond could be a romance. Now, I know what you readers are thinking, why be so cryptic about him? Well, the truth is there is still a lot of uncertainty concerning him and I, and I am not sure where we stand. From past experiences, as well as knowing how I roll, I would just move on, but there is something about exploring this "friendship" further. In my definition of the word, I believe he is my "soulmate", but that only goes so far when both aren't on the same page. I call him the male version of me. The commonalities in life experiences, music, thinking, and overall respect suggest a match made in heaven. Huh? Yeah, no such thing as perfection or is there? Any advice?

Happy New Year!

2011-01-01T16:55:00.002-07:00

I am not going to ruin anybody's high from last night concerning New Kids on the Block and Backstreet Boys. Either you liked the performance or not. Either you are excited or not about the new tour dates. I am moving on, if you want to have a intelligent conversation without judgement, I am a open book.

You may or may not think I am over dramatic about this. Deal. Then again, I am not living your life nor or you living mine. Everybody feels different about the New Kid reunion. In fact some have taken things too far, and some don't have the privilege I have had, and I feel guilty. I understand life isn't fair, and I am not asking for life to be perfect. I just may happen to look at things from a different perspective. I am a musician, I understand the music business, along with the social and behavioral science that is Communication I majored in in college. I analyze, perhaps over analyze things, so I tend to be consumed in research. That aside, it doesn't take all of that to read between the lines UNLESS you tend to live in fear of speaking your mind, fear of your LOVE of NKOTB diminishing, and finally the holy grail of losing NKOTB again. I agree, this won't last forever, plus to people in our lives who don't get what we have, it shouldn't matter; after all they are just entertainers.

I have explained where my love comes from in previous entries. I have too much drama in my life, that I am sick of, have been sick of. I look to other things as an outlet. I get too much into my head, causing me to get depressed. I mean bad depression, I spent my entire Christmas holiday in World War 3 with my folks. Some of you may think I don't have emotions (that's me guarded), some of you may think I am too passionate, and some may not know that much about me.

New Year's Eve was all on me. I should have handled it better. I didn't want to spend another New Year's Eve wallowing is self pity, bored, and wanted to avoid last night's performance. All of my plans didn't happen, then I got a phone call from my folks. Well, that ruined my night. I am not asking for pity, just understanding. I spent my evening/night crying. Everybody's joy made things worse. Made me feel like an asshole.

Happy fucking New Year right? Let's see. I has started out better than expected. I am alive.

Lucky to be alive?

2010-12-22T12:03:00.002-07:00

December 21, 2010...a day that will be a day I will always remember. I begin my second day on my new temp job doing office work. It has been the same old thing getting used to how another company does things. The weather has been interesting, with constant rain for days. I live in Las Vegas, not Seattle. After leaving work I commute down the streets I drive every day with the intention of getting food, and going to the store. I am ready to make a left turn at the intersection close to where I live very carefully, then I lost traction, immediately tried to gain control, before plowing into the bus stop. I am fine, nobody else was hurt or involved. Yes, a fucking miracle, however, now I have to deal with the damage on my truck, and the clusterfuck drama with my Father. I urge you read my life story for the details. The cliff notes version...I don't really get along with my Father due to verbal abuse my whole life. The reason I am so driven, and independent is because I have to be to survive. I have been constantly brought down by him, and the way things have gone and continue to go in my life. The depression has been so bad for years, I have contemplated suicide, but have found outlets (i.e Sports, Music, entertainment, & NKOTB).

I just want to fucking work, get to my dream job or something close, and fucking live my life. I want to stay alive, but with the bullshit I am constantly dealing with, it is very hard to be convinced. I try to live day to day, but with me striving for goals, it's hard not to plan for positivity. I am sick of people in my life making my life more and more complicated. I know life is fair nor easy, but really? Throw me a fucking bone will ya?

I could go on and on, but I won't!

You think?

2010-12-14T13:09:00.002-07:00

Not that I really cared, but it came across my Twitter timeline, the Backstreet Boys had their first cruise this past weekend. I could compare the cruises between BSB and NKOTB, but that is not what this is about. However, BSB played a clip of the their collaborated song on the cruise, and with technology it was captured by their fans. Well, since NKOTB hasn't said shit about the song, it has been passed along yesterday and today.

Well, the song is bullshit. Can we say NO to Auto-Tune? Apparently not. It's a damn shame since there is singing talent by them. Before you get yourself in a bunch, BSB fans agree. So, this goes along with my previous observations about somebody in the music business calling the shots, and assuming music consumers enjoy MORE Auto-Tune. YEAH...NO!!!

Since we already know these groups will be performing together on Dick Clark's Rockin' Eve (hosted by Ryan Seacrest), I am sure this will be the song they will perform. You Think? ;-)

Am I being too dramatic?

2010-12-04T19:13:00.002-07:00

I really don't mean to dwell on what is a done deal, but I can't help how I feel. Each day that goes by, I reminded that people can choose to go along with the crowd or stand their ground. I feel the vibe in Blockhead world has changed. Granted I don't really know the statistics on who is for or against the new joint tour with the Backstreet Boys, but according to my timeline on Twitter, my disdain is in the minority. Up until a month ago, my timeline was free of BSB lyrics and songs. We seemed to share the same passion for the New Kids on the Block. With that our family had developed. Now granted, I feel that our family is important, and I do agree that hanging out/meeting other BH at NKOTB events is the shit; yet I don't get why settling for something that obviously has caused mixed feelings.

Just recently, I have asked people who aren't really fans of both bands their opinion. It is nice to talk to people who see things from a different perspective. Granted they may or may not understand why I am so passionate, but they all of have expressed some similar opinions. They see this as a business proposition being that it has been noted in the past that NKOTB and BSB haven't gotten along. I have expressed how the Tweets from members of NKOTB are mostly business, and that change has happened all of sudden. Certain people have expressed that this kind of move has the potential to ruin something that was going so well. *sigh* In ways, non-fans get why I am mad, may think I am be dramatic, however, I am just passionate.

Thoughts?

Can I erase my memory?

2010-11-22T16:54:00.002-07:00

By now you should be well aware of the fact that I am boycotting *cringe* NKOTBSB! Honestly, at this point, all I want to do is cry, curl up in a ball, and erase my memory. I wanted to last night's American Music Awards performance of the two groups to change my mind. I wanted to be pleasantly surprised, and give in or join like most others. Instead after waiting and seeing spoilers from the East Coast or the press, I was completely let down. I wasn't excited leading up to it, and when the performance began I didn't have those deep euphoric butterflies again. Like my emotions were telling my mind, that you know this is going to suck. Well, I sat with my roommate, AKA Kelley, AKA Fellow Blockhead, eager to finally see what this bullshit buzz was about. Well, 2 seconds into it, and we both cringed, and as it progressed, and sacred New Kids on the Block songs were ruined by the mashup, we both said in unison, "FUCK THIS!"

Yes, I guess you could call us the captains of TEAM BOYCOTT. Yes, there are others of you out there that are on this team. I appreciate and respect you for that. On the other hand, I will not continue to eat up the BULLSHIT that is this union just to see the New Kids on the Block. Half of my money is going to Backstreet Boys, why should I contribute to something I don't believe in? Plus, it was confirmed this week that Boys II Men were supposed to be on this tour with them, but Backstreet Boys disrespected them and said no! Are you fucking kidding me? Sons of Motown were snubbed by a manufactured Jive group who want to keep the share to themselves. Oh, and before you get on my case about my feelings toward BSB, WAKE THE FUCK UP AND SMELL THE FUCKING ROSES!! This fickle business is ruining the appeal of music. Hey, New Kids, if you wanted to sell stadiums out again, RELEASE NEW MUSIC AGAIN!!! That whole organic thing you had going on, is now suspect! If you follow them on Twitter, have you noticed their Tweets are more about promotion and smoothing shit over? Are y'all running for political office? Well, I will give you credit for NOT saying you can see Russia from your house.

On that note, check this video out...

Pay attention to what Donnie Wahlberg explains as the reason for reuniting!!! I haven't lost sight of that, but I think they have...just fucking sayin'.

The SHIT has hit the fan...

2010-11-08T14:42:00.003-07:00

Yes, I feel the need rant more about what is going on, but first, I urge you to read this blog... http://rockersramblingsofaclutteredmind.blogspot.com/2010/11/for-our-most-loyal-fans.html.

That pretty explains the emotion of this, but I also feel the need to deal with some issues directly. The "family" we have become is falling apart. I know to those Non-Blockheads out there, this is cheesy; However, it is the fucking truth. This "change" has finally brought out the true colors in people, and by that, I mean either you are happy or you are hurt. Not that this quality is a bad thing, I see speaking your mind as awesome. Yet, some Blockheads feel the need to turn on others, because of our disdain. I don't love the New Kids any less for their decision, but yet people need to wake up and smell the roses. The Tweets from our beloved Donnie Wahlberg, as well as the rest of the guys about their excitement and promises don't help either. I am not against change, but the disillusioned, and disenchantment of our connection is just fucking sad.

I feel like I am being redundant. Tootles!

Ah, hell NO... part deux

2010-11-06T13:08:00.002-07:00

Just want to address a few points I failed to in part one. I am not against a joint tour, I am against a joint tour when the artists fail to mesh and it isn't about the music anymore. I realize my statement about the NKOTB or BSB tour success was riddled with my emotions.

Conditionally, I still believe people are missing my point. I understand how the music industry works, and quite frankly, it is a fucked up business. Then again, it is driven by us as consumers, and the media exposure of artists. With that said, I guess I allowed myself to believe the success concerning NKOTB this time was based on the family we have become as fans and the deep connection we have with all 5 members of the band. Like I stated in part one, I am not attacking NKOTB, BSB, and other fans, I am attacking the motives behind ruining what we had going. I along with YOU, should realize my opinion won't change the inevitability of this tour. I would just appreciate if people would not continue to have STARS in their eyes.

On another note, I also don't appreciate the disrespect and drama among fans. The hate and animosity that has occurred is bullshit. Of course, I am sure a lot of it comes from jealousy and envy. However, there is a method to the madness. When the reunion theory is driven by money, then people lose sight of what is in important. For example, geographical logistics have allowed demand to be amazing on the in the Midwest, South, Eastern US , and Eastern Canada; which is probably why more events have been occurring in those areas since the initial reunion tour. Along those lines, everybody's financial stability has varied, making traveling and attendance waver. Some people can afford to go many shows, some can barely afford one, some still have yet to see one. So in addressing attendance declining over the last 2 years, or this past Summer, we have to remember the times in which we are living. The bragging from those fans who have been to countless shows, and have now become a close contact with members of NKOTB need to stop. It makes you look desperate for attention, and it should not be about that.

There I go with my opinions again. Goodbye for now!

Ah, hell NO...

2010-11-03T19:50:00.004-07:00

FIRST: Let me remind everybody about to read this entry that Free Speech is to be expected from me as I am blunt and very passionate. Brace yourself.

Let's remember back to the previous blog entry I wrote about this subject, hell, you probably don't want to scroll back to July. I will continue, and recap. Oh, I should first say, that my opinion is nothing personal against, the members of New Kids on the Block, Backstreet Boys, and the fans of both. I feel the need to dive deep into why I am so frustrated, angry, and disappointed, and more emotions to be explained.

Let's keep it real, I was born in 1988, yes, that makes me almost 23. I am young, but due to my life experiences I have matured fast. With that said, I was 3 years old when I first discovered music and performance. My first being Michael Jackson (I am sure there won't be any back lash for my love of that man), my second being the New Kids on the Block. Now, you may be asking how, well I had a baby sitter who was a Blockhead in her teens back then; who made me watch "Hangin' Tough" on VHS over and over. Yes, even at that ripe "old" age I fell in love with Donnie Wahlberg and the guys. I was memorized by the choreography, and music. Well, fast forward a few years, they broke up, then fast forward 15 years, and THE BLOCK was back!!!

Which reminds me, with me being so young, I grew up on Backstreet Boys, NSYNC, 98 Degrees, and Boys II Men. Now, I would be lying if I said I didn't listen to all of these artists, but in the age of TRL (Total Request Live) on MTV, music was changing in the 1990's. The belly of the beast is to go along with the mayhem. Well, the appeal of the Backstreet Boys slowly died as their egos, and disrespect began to take shape when their popularity sky rocketed. When asked in many interviews about how New Kids on the Block, New Edition, the Jackson 5, and The Temptations influenced them, the members of Backstreet Boys blatantly proclaimed their love and respect for all groups, but New Kids on the Block. Stating that the back lash they were receiving was due to New Kids On The Block, and they didn't respect them for it. Which is the cliff notes version of the shit Kevin (member of the Backstreet Boys) talked about the New Kids with the rest of BSB backing him up or not really saying anything. With anything you don't have to like it, but respect is always appreciated.

Not only have I RESPECTED the artistry and musicianship the New Kids on the Block have always represented, but I have also RESPECTED AND APPRECIATED how they have handled themselves with media and the music industry itself. New Kids on the Block have always kept it real in standing up for what they believe in, which means saying basically "fuck off" to the critics and embracing political and social issues so dear to their hearts. Not to mention, the charities they have embraced, as well as us fans wanting to get involved as well.

In countless interviews at the throughout of this EPIC reunion, the members of New Kids on the Block have all made it clear that the reason this has been so deep, fun, and respectable has been the fact that this was all ORGANIC. When MTV/VH1 wanted to reunite them reality TV style they all declined. Obviously, the motives behind those attempts was for personal gain, and that is another fickle quality of the music industry. My respect for them increased as I realized that this time around, it isn't about the money. It is about the fucking experience, which it has been. I have enjoyed meeting and networking with fellow fans from all over the world.

In fact it goes a tad deeper than that for me. You see when the New Kids came back in my life I was in a low point in my life, almost willing to take my own life. Their re-emergence into my life along with the support from my fellow Blockheads saved my life, and helped me out of the depths of darkness to the light of hope. I am forever grateful for this journey and experience, and to all of y'all this is really some DEEP SHIT.

With the back story out of the way, I am now going to explain my disdain for this upcoming tour, as well as the boycott I have begun. The musical sound of both groups (even though both in the Pop Genre) are completely different. I believe the New Kids on the Block (with the exception of the first album) have written music from that ORGANIC place of creativity for the time. They have paid homage to their musical influences, such as to Run DMC, Public Enemy, New Edition, and even the rock styling of Led Zeppelin. I have noticed from the Saxophone riffs in "Baby I Believe in You" to the rhymes in "Click Click Click". The collaborations of their latest album "The Block" captured that as well, in addition staying current with what is heard on the radio today. Their performance styles are also very different, New Kids come from that old school I am give you the best show of your life mentality; Backstreet Boys don't have that same mentality. As they both sing, and do choreography, their passion for their craft is completely different. Obviously, I prefer the old school performance style.

The following interview seen here (specfically starting at 3:50)addressed the Backstreet Boys or NSYNC question....

Now, I know what you are thinking. We are all adults, and it is very possible for them to bury the hatchet so to speak. I agree, however, why be so stern and forthcoming with their opinions in one of their first interviews in 2008? All 5 men of NKOTB were all adults then. ;-) Oh, that's right, they keep it real. In addressing that, I believe this new tour has fallen into the trap of the music business, and is against all of my passion and principals/morals for which I fell in love with the group in the first place. I understand trying to make a statement with Backstreet Boys appearing on stage during the shows this past Summer at Radio City Music Hall. Yet, I see this as a way help for BSB's reunion (which in reality) isn't as successful as NKOTB's. Statistics prove this, and you will agree or disagree based on your opinion of said groups. The elation that occurred in New York that night this past Summer held the same mixed reviews occurring now. It really wasn't that shocking the performance happened due to the networking on Twitter, but I think the shock of the two groups on stage together lead to the reaction. Being that the venue is so historic in performance, and New Kids on the Block finally getting the opportunity to play there after a career of 23+ years, it was EPIC, and thus the elation. The media, various journalists who were there, and the like thought this was historic (which I guess it was historic considering how different the groups really are) have built up the hype despite the reality of mixes reviews.

Now, I understand both groups don't owe their fans a damn thing in reuniting. Conditionally, I would hope they would not succumb to the business and $$ in their eyes as time goes on. Yes, I believe this move is selling out, which again, is against why I love New Kids on the Block in the first place. It may or may not help, but due to my strong passion and disdain for this tour, I will not be buying tickets. To address the folks who come at others when voicing their opinions on us not going, THAT IS THE FUCKING POINT, not a threat. So you will be able to buy tickets with less stress, but what will happen when venues don't sell out or fights break out? Since this is the business, I also understand that for everyone of us who doesn't attend, there will be those who max out their life savings to go to everything, so both groups won't really miss my attendance anyway. However, if they knew my passion about music (as NKOTB has been one my influences musically in becoming a Saxophonist myself if you didn't know that), they may miss my appreciation for them as artists.

So, I say ah, hell NO to this tour, since it is against my moral and musical code. Yes, I will be going on the New Kids on the Block cruise, and will get to party with my Blockhead family. Honestly, all groups need separate cruises as well.

*cracks knuckles* Let the commenting begin. ;-)

Happy Halloween!!

2010-10-30T16:44:00.001-07:00

The following video is awesome and created by @Danad911!! Many props for the holiday spirit!

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

PEOPLE'S CHOICE....

2010-10-24T13:26:00.003-07:00

Okay, as you are aware of based on Twitter or if we are Facebook fans, you should now know voting for People's Choice nominations has begun. So, other than the nominees that are suggested on the site (which some I like as well), time to prove our love as part of the NK Army. Here's how to vote...

Twitter:

Donnie Wahlberg #TVCrimeFigther #PeoplesChoice
Donnie Wahlberg #WEBCELEB #PeoplesChoice
Donnie Wahlberg #TVDramaActor #PeoplesChoice
Blue Bloods #TVCrimeDrama #PeoplesChoice
The Reagans #TVFamily #PeoplesChoice
New Kids on the Block #Pop Artist #PeoplesChoice

Simple enough, ReTweet your friends, because each RT counts as a vote!

LET'S GET THIS folks!!

Feeling pro-active and my local BH should to...

2010-10-03T12:46:00.003-07:00

As we entered into this month of October (Breast Cancer Awareness Month), I began to feel the need to be pro-active. I am very passionate about giving back and supporting causes. I began to research when the Race for the Cure was here in Las Vegas, and saw that it is May 7, 2011! I thought to my self...self this is perfect, the Saturday before a bunch of us embark on a boat ride with the New Kids on the Block! Please visit these links (one being the team page and one being the personal page)... http://southernnevada.info-komen.org/site/TR/RacefortheCure/LAS_SouthernNevadaAffiliate?px=8428503&pg=personal&fr_id=2095

http://southernnevada.info-komen.org/site/TR/RacefortheCure/LAS_SouthernNevadaAffiliate?team_id=147563&pg=team&fr_id=209

Oh, and when a bunch of us meet in November, we shall discuss our team shirts!! ;-)

Blockhead Family...

2010-09-14T12:38:00.004-07:00

This past weekend (Saturday) to be exact, there was a Blockhead dinner/meet that had been planned for months in Sin City. Turned out to be 80's night at this restaurant/bar, so it was perfect! About 20 of us showed up, and it turned out to be an EPIC night of fun! Chilling, chatting, and eating dinner was a blast. Sharing stories of our NKOTB shows and encounters, to ganging up on the DJ to play NKOTB...hello it is 80's night you are allowed to play NKOTB. ;-) I busted out the choreography to Michael Jackson's "Beat It" when it came on, and when "Step by Step" was finally played we turned into a "choir" and I busted out some famous moves from that as well. Other folks in the restaurant probably thought our group was strange, but then again they don't get the Blockhead family. It is all good.

Adding to the fun of the night, many folks showed up in 80's costumes. A random guy even showed up in a vintage NKOTB shirt, and busted out the "pendulum crotch swing" during the dance contest. Guess who won that contest due to our EPIC applause? Yeah, him, because we had to rep for our "New Kid on the Block" for that night! Madonna and MC Hammer also were there (employees of the restaurant). Oh, and since it was a special night, one of our local radio stations was broadcasting and hosting the night. The DJ also wore a vintage NKOTB shirt, and also turned out to be a Blockhead! I even encouraged a sister all decked out in 80s attire to enter the contest for the $ prizes, yeah, guess who won that? Yeah, our EPIC applause again represented our sister!!

In writing this entry, I am reminded about how AWESOME and deep this reunion is, I mean I can go anywhere in the world, and have "family" to hang out with and lean on. Until next time...tootles!

Boredom & life are consuming me...

2010-08-26T16:14:00.002-07:00

As a Facebook friend or follower on Twitter, you know I am currently unemployed. Not only am I pretty broke, I am so fucking bored. Unlike my peers (most of which are still going to college or enrolling in Grad School), I am ready to work and party. Yes, I want to enjoy life now that my tenure in academia is complete. Yes, my academic clusterfuck is ending. I realize that most if not all of this is redundant, but I felt the need to write. I believe I have applied for hundreds of jobs. I know the economy is shit right now along with unemployment being high, but one should bite right? I have goals to pay off my debt, and a very expensive boat ride that I know is worth every fucking penny! The major important thing about me getting a job...FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE FROM MY FOLKS!! I am so fucking sick of drama I could scream.

I am beyond ready to keep meeting fellow Blockheads, people, and enjoying this life I only live once. Thank you for caring to read this rant.

Happy Birthday Mr. Wahlberg

2010-08-17T20:37:00.004-07:00

Instead of me singing in a Marlyn Monroe voice, I was encouraged to surprise Donnie Wahlberg for the anniversary of his 40th Birthday. Quite frankly I was happy to do this!!! Enjoy!

"I'm on a motherfucking boat"

2010-08-16T16:56:00.002-07:00

As I sit here watching the NKOTB DVD "Coming Home" with my Blockhead roommate Kelley, I got inspired to write this blog entry.

A few months back I began plotting with my potential NKOTB cruise roommates (including my current roommate) about cruise 2011, we all said let's make this shit happen! Yes, all of us are rookies. Well, about 5 days before booking (AKA Clusterfuck) day, one of our roommates had to back out due to understandable life circumstances. Well, due to the frantic nature, and bond via Twitter, we welcomed a new roommate the next day. Technology was able to keep our plans going for booking day.

Fast forward to clusterfuck day. I rose early to see how the Pre-sale for past cruisers was going, and to listen to Donnie Wahlberg on the Morning Orchard on Cherrytree Radio. Booking for us was going to happen at Noon our time, and needless to say, we had back up plans for our back up plans during the process. Our lead booker Shanna was all signed in, and had Kelley and I on speaker phone. Kelley and I had both of our computers ready in case shit happened. In case you are new to the world of New Kids on the Block cruise booking, this is ridiculously stressful, because it is a lottery to get on the boat due to the demand in the first place. Back to booking, I had our 4th roommate Leslie on AIM, since she was at work across the country. I relayed any information to her as soon as we had new developments. Well, Shanna got in, entered all of our information, and didn't know that Comcast was going to charge her for all of us. Due to some overdrafting action, our reservation got denied. Ouch. That is when, I began my quest to book us (while Shanna called to get her money back); well, my browser wouldn't handle it for some reason. Shit. So, finally, Kelley entered necessary information, and we got a confirmation number! *cue Hallelujah music*

We ended up with the type of room we wanted in the first place, and we are now ON THE MOTHERFUCKING BOAT!!! So stoked, because a lot of the folks who got on with us are also rookies and great friends. Now all that is left is pay it off, and plan. Oh, and for me not tell my folks or justify me being a Blockhead, because they just don't understand!

Are you ready?

2010-08-05T18:22:00.005-07:00

Alright, as you may have noticed I am random and I keep it real. My life has been really depressing lately, yeah, unemployment sucks. My folks continue to be on my case...I hate family drama. Oh, this not sleeping thing is getting old. *sigh* Moving on, since I am a loyal fan of Criss Angel (Yes the Mindfreak), I decided that his constant Twitter and Facebook advertising for the Season 6 premiere party was appealing. I had missed it last year, and since I now live in Las Vegas, why the hell not? Everybody has their opinions, but the man is hot and intriguing outside the magic and "demonstrations". According to my normal do things by myself because I don't want to miss out mantra, I went by myself early to beat the rush. Well, I didn't realize there was a cover or a two drink minimum, fuck. Oh well, I wasn't the only one and didn't want to miss out on an opportunity. In the meantime, I was Tweeting and such as usual to pass the time. A clusterfuck on Facebook concerning a Donnie Wahlberg profile had come about this week, and Donnie "set the record straight" on Twitter. Cool, I sent a reply like all of my fellow Blockheads. Well, to my surprise I got a reply from the man. You are saying to yourself great; yes, but it didn't make sense with my reply. I digress this week has been weird.

While in line, I met this woman(who also came by herself) who was die hard fan. I didn't know how die hard till we hung out at the bar. We instantly bonded, because as a Blockhead, I get loyal "following". She knew all the inside scoop concerning Criss, but wasn't Bat Shit Crazy. *Thumbs Up* Anyway, we chilled at the bar, met other fans, Criss ran late (reminds me of Wahlberg Standard Time ;-)). Criss and his entourage showed up, we watched the premiere, followed by his A&E Biography. Finally, came the Facetime time. Criss offered free Patron shots, (with the exception of people with birthdays), most of us were gunning for that picture, and perhaps a hug/little conversation. Yeah, I should know by now, that fans bunch up, causing the body guards to be asses. I get that it is your job to protect your boss, but really? After spending $30 on the night, I wanted my picture. Well it happened, very short moment, but the fucking thing happened. Ironic thing to top off the no sleeping night, when I got home, Criss' Biography was on A&E.

Life's a bitch...

2010-07-22T13:32:00.002-07:00

I am currently finishing up a couple of classes due to the clusterfuck U of A has presented which is extremely stressful, and a whole other blog entry in itself.

Anyway, I recently relocated to work as a club promoter in Sin City hoping this job would lead me to the job I am really meant to do. Yeah, that was the Utopian view, but due to getting layed off, fired, whatever the fuck you call it this week, I once again have hit a damn road block in life. Money doesn't drive me in my career (of course I would be lying if money doesn't pay my bills), but love of what I am doing does. Anybody who knows me or reads my Tweets, has probably figured out I fucking love sports and music. I have been passionate about both sports and music throughout my life from my participation in many sports to me becoming a Saxophonist and Steel Drummer. I have figured I am happiest when I am engaging in sports (more specifically NBA or Tennis), and playing the instruments (more specifically my Bari Saxophone). People have consistently told me that I should find a career in either the sports industry or music industry. Well, I have thought to myself, SELF, why can't I find a happy medium between the both?

Oh, right, back to reality. I need to find a job, but being that I live in the state that is currently #1 in unemployment it is easier said than done in the shitty economy we are currently living. Given the nature of the industries I want to be a part of, it is about who you know, not what you know to get your foot in the door, hence the job I had. So this in itself is frustrating since I have goals in life to travel and experience life since you only live once. People have said that they want to help me, which is greatly appreciated, but that has a normal way of not being the right path to choose. Keep in mind, I never expected this to be easy, and I am sure things could somehow be worse, but everybody's life is all relative. Resentment from folks on how lucky I am based on why I have been given doesn't help. I appreciate what I have been given, but I have always felt that I have done things to please others in order to finally achieve what I want in life. It may sound selfish, but really whose life am I living?

Another recent scary thing has presented itself. With the more shit that hits the fan in my life, I am finding it hard to enjoy certain things that make me happy. In fact, I am becoming more a smart ass bitch in some cases. Could be due to the fact I see through the bullshit, and I just want to get the opportunity to express how I feel. Don't get me wrong, I know everybody has their hardships, but I would appreciate seeing the RAW and DARK side of things from folks instead of pretending everything is GRAND.

Perseverance is all well and good if things work out. I have been told that I am extremely persistent with life, well, why do I do it when I can't seem to catch a motherfucking break? I just want to live my life. Apparently, life's a bitch. Any thoughts?

Think my favorite holiday is...

2010-07-05T20:19:00.002-07:00

My last entry explained how I ran into Canadians (eh?) and became friends with a 80s Metal Cover band.

Saturday July 3, 2010: Captain's Log (I watch too much pop culture.) Anyway, I decided to work/party at Rok Nightclub. Never been there, thought hell, why not? Oh, and I could get in free. That helped my intrigue after Coyote Ugly was lame, and Centrifuge was just too chill. Getting through the line and into the club I thought that this looked like it was going to be a weak night...well, I thought too soon. Basically, what I am getting at is the my highlight of the night...the DJ playing the introduction to "Hangin' Tough" by New Kids on the Block (to make it better this club played videos; yes the old school video. I jumped out of my skin in excitement, heard other recognize it; then the moment passed. *sigh*

Independence Day: Captain's Log Part Daux Partying with my co-workers at the Palms Pool party (BASH) featuring Markus Schulz and Cosmic Gate! This was fucking epic. Great beats, alcohol, and beautiful people equals a bitchin' great time. Oh, and sense most of The Jersey Shore Cast (*fist pump*) were in town for various appearances (DJ Pauly D spinning and celebrating his birthday the day before) J-Wow was partying at the pool as well.

To round the day out, I hung out with my Blockhead Sister Victoria for fireworks and fun shenanigans.

So yes..I am thinking my favorite holiday is the 4th of July...for now. Later suckers. ;-)

Love the randomness of Vegas...

2010-07-03T14:42:00.003-07:00

Last night (July 2, 2010), I decided to go to Mandalay Bay to spy on the "enemy" by "enemy", I mean Backstreet Boys concert. I was curious about the venue and the crowd they would draw. After about 20 minutes of "spying" from a window located within the resort (The concert was located at the Mandalay Beach/Pool area), I decided I was going to walk towards the casino and restaurant area. This is where the night got more interesting. I was asked by two drunk Canadians (yes...they used "eh" a lot) where to find food. One of them took kindly to my "ass", saying I was hot...go alcohol. Anyway, I walk them towards the House of Blues considering one of them said they were seeing a band there in an hour. Turns out this guy's wife was best friend's with the wife of the lead singer of this 80's metal cover band Steel Panther. So, they asked to buy me dinner and if I would join them. I know what you are thinking...why join drunk men from another country for dinner at a music diner? Well, because after surveying the situation, I had decided that this would be entertaining. They bought me dinner at House of Blues, I even danced with one of them (John) to a cover of "Mustang Sally" the blues band in the restaurant was playing. Good times were happening on a Friday night. Next, one of the guys with us decided that he would call it a night in order for him to watch World Cup Soccer in the morning. So, the rest of us met the lead singer at the concert entrance, where we received our ALL-ACCESS wristbands.

We were lead in past security and introduced to roadies, security, and the rest of the band. Let me tell you, these guys are down to earth guys. As they were getting ready for the show, we were talking to one of the coolest security guys ever about concerts over the years he has seen. Talking music with fellow music lovers outweighed the age and culture differences in the room. It was a jolly good time!!

We were allowed to watch the show from backstage (which in this venue meant a few feet away from them)! It was fucking awesome! They put on a great show with vulgar humor, and pulling people on stage with them! Just fucking fun!!! The next time you are in Vegas on a Friday...see Steel Panther at the House of Blues!!!

Dear Adults, Let's act like one...

2010-07-01T19:32:00.002-07:00

Wow! I can't believe this bullshit has gotten so ridiculous I have to write a blog on this behavior.

I understand loyalty to a band, a boyband, believe me I get it; however this squabbling between fans of groups has got to STOP! I may like one group more than another, and I know some of you do out there as well, but what the fuck does it prove to talk shit. I understand emotional investment, but this is just elementary. If a person is pissing you off, then they have won. Build a fucking bridge and get over it, that person will have to move on as well since the rise they caused is now a deep plunder. Oh, and by the way, the age range of this behavior is 22-45! Let me get this straight, "adults" are squabbling with misinformed teenagers. Report the bullshit, ignore, & repeat.

I have said my peace on this shit! Later!

Respect or business?

2010-06-20T15:09:00.006-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-ytxke5Go4&feature=related
*Disclaimer* I keep it real. Enjoy! ;-) The video link above watch at 3:55 for more puzzling evidence.

I will be the first to admit that I am on the young end of Blockhead fandom. Yes, I grew up more with Backstreet Boys, NSYNC, 98 Degrees, 5ive, Otown, Boys II Men, etc. However, you must remember my second exposure to music was New Kids on the Block (my first being Michael Jackson), obviously that deep connection to performance and music has stuck with me to this day. The reunion of New Kids on the Block has been awesome, successful, and rewarding being that this weekend at Radio City Music Hall is now in the record books.

Over the years, I can remember countless interviews where the Backstreet Boys talked so much shit about New Kids on the Block, because they didn't know how to handle the backlash for boy bands that began with New Kids on the Block; instead of respecting the path the New Kids on the Block, New Edition, Jackson 5 paved for them. So, my respect for BSB was depleted based on their lack of respect for NKOTB and others. The business also brought about problems in producing music, and taking control of the machine a group like this can truly be...be honest. I have always respected the quest that NKOTB and earlier groups have done to control the direction their music is going or will go. Nothing personal towards the members of BSB, but if you take a step back and examine their music, it is so manufactured and monotonous even to this day in their reunion.

Being that the rumors of a possible BSB/NKOTB stage duet on stage actually came true June 19,2010, I felt the need to address this. I agree that the mutual respect is there that they actually performed together, but the motives business wise are suspect. As much as I love NKOTB, I am not naive, I know that the constant reunion success has bread ideas of how to keep things fresh. People are either going to love me or hate me for this entry. Think about it folks. I am not trying to alienate folks who are fans of both groups, just want folks to be aware. I would feel the same way business wise if NSYNC had reunited. They at least have kept it real in respecting NKOTB, and their creative differences.

This shall continue...time will only tell if this is respect or business.

Decided that this Justin Timberlake/Ellen interview sums up NKOTB respect as well (watch at 3:17)...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLGG9SLtIoo&feature=related

Are you really a Basketball fan??

2010-06-16T18:19:00.003-07:00

Being that I am passionate for the game of basketball, NBA, the Boston Celtics, and the Dallas Mavericks, I feel the need to get something off of my chest that has been bothering me. At the ripe old age of 3 I fell in love with the NBA. Yes, in 1993-1994 I became enthralled with the skills of such players as Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, Kevin Johnson, Penny Hardaway, Ron Harper, Steve Kerr, the list can go on for awhile. This passion came from the fact that every family get together I partook in growing up involved family members watching whatever big sporting event that was being televised. I was immediately taught the basics by my grandfather, which eventually became the bond I had with him. Considering, I chose sports, music, and pop culture over drugs and sex to alleviate boredom growing up, my knowledge and passion grew over the years.

Now that you know where my passion stems from, I am going to get to the goods. I have been a fan of the Boston Celtics, and Dallas Mavericks for years (even though I am from Arizona). I am in love with GAME of basketball, I find the art of TEAMWORK sexy when watching; which is where my love/hate of specific players has come from. The business aspect of teams and the NBA in general is also fascinating to me, so even though I might not like a team or player, I ALWAYS take fairness into account.

Knowing all of this, I have known for years that Donnie Wahlberg is a SUPERFAN of the Boston Celtics, and I miss him sitting with Penny Marshall at the Lakers games in Celtics green as she wore Lakers colors. Yes, the celebrity spot shot has become a staple of televising NBA games, especially during the playoffs. If you are watching a Laker game, then expect celebrities to be shown before halftime after a commercial or just before the fourth quarter after a commercial.

My point of this blog...the recent reunion of New Kids on the Block, us Blockheads know Mr. Wahlberg's, Mr. Wood's, and Mr. McIntyre's allegiance to their hometown team the Boston Celtics. This is great, but when Blockheads feel the need to follow a sport or team based on the members of their favorite group, I feel the reverting back to childhood has gone too far. The old saying, "If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?" comes to mind, along with the visual of sheep following their fearless leaders to a destination. What happened to that individuality people claim to have as adults? If you weren't a fan before, why change now to validate yourself for Mr. Wahlberg, then go back to your normal non-allegiance when he doesn't mention it? To me this is pathetic. However, there are those who have liked basketball in the past, and Mr. Wahlberg's passion along with others has re-sparked theirs, and that is awesome. I also embrace those who have had their interest in basketball sparked, and are willing to learn. I just want the bullshit to stop...you know the FAKE allegiance to a team you don't go out of your way to follow when not televised or during the off-season or when members of THE BLOCK don't express their passion.

My dream...

2010-05-29T10:56:00.002-07:00

Yep, this is about a dream you have when sleeping, not for the future. Normally I wouldn't blog about something so trivial, but I remember every detail. Why not blog?

Okay, so I was gambling and chilling at my local casino with old friends and family. After my family left, I went to find my friends to find out they were about to leave as well. I thought this was lame, and decided to stay just to hang. Anyway I walk through the casino more, and too my surprise New Kids on the Block were in front of a snack bar. I did a double take, paced back and forth trying to believe my eyes. Anyway after gaining some "reality", I decided to make the best of it considering the "chill" atmosphere of me being one of the only people noticing who they were. Before, I could go up to them, "Never Let You Go" started playing, meaning Jordan began that beautiful falsetto! Ahh! I waited for them to finish, then explained I was a Blockhead, to which I started to get hugs from them. Each member decided to take a break. So, I explained I went to the CasiNO Tour in Vegas, then came more hugs. I had a civilized conversation with Donnie (yes, a dream with in itself) about meeting him there. All of this was surreal! Then they decided to pump up the gathering of fellow Blockheads (A whole 15 of us), and surrounding Non-Blockheads. They performed "Full Service" and "Twisted"! Eek!! The vibe was really good, as I heard comments such as... "These guys are really good." Then, I woke up.

The lesson I learned about this is...your mind loves to tease you with things you love!! I would rate this as one of the best dreams ever though! ;-)

EPIC WEEKEND....

2010-05-11T19:53:00.005-07:00

Let me first write this... Blockheads + NKOTB+ Las Vegas= EPIC!!

Let's rewind to about 4 months ago, when New Kids on the Block announced they were returning to the Western United States (Las Vegas), elated does not begin to describe my excitement considering I was planning a Vegas trip anyway. ;-) Nonetheless, I began an EPIC countdown with fellow Blockheads, and had another event (other than college commencement) to look forward to. As time began to go by, I began plotting a way to show our appreciation for NKOTB coming back to to Vegas with local Vegas Blockheads. We plotted on Facebook for about 2 months deciding on flowers and glow sticks. We wanted the plan to be a surprise, so as suggested by a fellow California Blockhead for me to start a private Twitter account (@NKOTBVegas) for others to get in on the plan. Along the way we plotted for a Let's Get This book drive and to raise money for Remember Betty, but it was nixed however life goes on. So the plan was agreed democratically that Friday Show was going to be the Flower show, and the Saturday show was to be the glow stick show. Our vision and what happened with these plans did not align, or so I thought. The glow sticks were seen by NKOTB and appreciated, so thank you to all who bought, brought, and swayed glow sticks!!

Moving on...this weekend was what I thought it was going to be concerning Blockheads...CONVENTION!! I met so many of the avatars I have been bonding with on Twitter from all over the world. It was great to meet all of you, and to those I didn't meet, I hope to meet y'all in the future! Thanks to the kindness and need to sell extra tickets from sisters we hadn't met yet, I was able to go to the Friday show. NKOTB did not disappoint, well if you are a stickler for a show being more than an hour and 15 minutes it did, but alas, there was a Saturday show. The Friday after party was off the chain, well in my opinion! Of course, the Saturday show was FIRE!!!

Anybody who knows me based on my Tweets or has hung out with me knows I am am a Donnie Wahlberg gal. Yet, I approach this differently than most. I have been patient on getting Facetime, but thought that this weekend was my chance considering NKOTB and BH were going to be partying/staying in the same building at times. My previous chance in Vegas was an epic fail considering I just kept missing the guy. Luck hasn't always been on my side, but I haven't complained. In fact, I have always been happy for all of my sisters to get the Facetime I had been yearning for since I was 3 years old, but I digress.

Throughout the weekend, I kept meeting and running into sisters who had received Facetime from NKOTB, and yet I had not. I tried not to give up hope, considering the weekend was not over yet. I really appreciate all of you who helped out and wanted me to get my FIRST hug from Donnie FuckingWahlberg. Anyway, Donnie threw a VIP Pool Party after the Saturday show, which warranted many of us eager BH to crowd the pool entrance in hopes of getting in, but then again the term VIP explains things. With us "Loitering" the Palms security team kept asking us to leave the area. I love how we made FAKE playing Slot machines an art this weekend. Finally at about "2 in the Morning", Donnie came into the casino to greet all who were waiting. Many hugs and pictures were granted to ironically "Full Service" playing in the casino, yet my encounter was not ideal. I kept calm, cool, and collected waiting my turn, and to my dismay, Donnie shook his head at me, and went to the next person. Let me explain how much this hurt...I had not eaten in hours warranting very low blood sugar, plus other personal things happened so I was not in good shape. I was very disappointed at the situation, and well deeply saddened considering my love for Donnie. Donnie came back, I got a hug, and a group picture with another BH. The next order of business was to finally eat at the cafe, where we discussed what just happened along with other BH things. ;-) As we went to the register to pay for our food, Donnie walked in, and again avoided me. Now, before you get in your head that I am hating or disrespecting him, I am not. Just not what I expected in terms of the experiences others have had or were having in front of me. After all of this, we decided to get sleep since Sunday was check out and traveling day.

I wake up on Sunday having had a few more hours of sleep than the previous couple of nights. I packed up my stuff, and began to make trips to my truck. Crazy how BH invaded that place, and this day the marquees were gone, and so were most of the BH. Walking through the hotel was eerie. I ran into a few other BH hoping that members of NKOTB were still present, but I along with them came to the conclusion that they had left. So finally, we checked out of the room at 1:00PM. I went to lunch with my girl Kelley at a local Vegas dinner, and since the Verizon network was down, we went to a mall to get my phone internet fixed. As we pulled up to the mall, I get a text from our sister Shanna, saying Jon was eating at the diner in the cafe. So, in BH fashion we rushed back to the Palms. I get a phone call from Kelley who got to the Palms first saying she had just saw Donnie in the casino with a few friends. I rushed into the casino to find Shanna and Kelley, then turned around to see Donnie walking towards us. Donnie recognized Shanna (See her blog for her story), then proceeded to hug and take pictures with all of us. Even told us Jon was going to come down. This encounter was very chill, and a complete turn around from hours earlier. Could have been the fact that there were only 3 of us. After this I was crying for different reasons...FACETIME. Shanna and Kelley were supportive of my encounter, and I was taken it all in...NKOTB Weekends are just emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausting; yet the best weekends of my life.

Moral of this blog...Harness my patience, continue to love thy Blockhead family, and I am always going to be a Blockhead.

THANK YOU Donnie Fucking Wahlberg for the FACETIME! I love you man!!!!

Happy Birthday to me...

2010-02-15T19:43:00.003-07:00

This is the birthday present I got from my Brazilian Sister Jessica Marques @_Jessy_BRAZIL...

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

Love that Brazil is ahead of the US in time! ;-)

Life update with a musical flare...

2010-01-02T15:52:00.003-07:00

Still having the same drama with my folks...the end.

Moving on...I feel it is time for me to write blog that has to do with my passion for music again! What do you say? Cool. Those who know me, know me I have a supreme passion and appreciation for music that was popular years and years ago. I guess you could say I am a softie for the oldies. I recently came to the conclusion that I just love the blunt and simple way that those songs possessed. There was hardly any innuendo, and the music was just lovely. I guess I decided to write this blog based on the fact that Donnie Wahlberg keeps sending links on Twitter of You Tube of songs such as... "I'm Stone in Love With You" by The Stylistics, "Float On" by The Floaters, or "Kiss and Say Goodbye" by The Manhattans. I guess you could say that all of these bands influenced the boybands that have taken over the world at a point in time! ;-)

So, I guess I ask my readers/followers of this blog post to maybe open your minds and hearts to these R&B style oldies (old school) just once. Maybe you will find you have a love for these greats as well!

Apparently I am the most disrespectful person alive...

2009-11-15T16:50:00.002-07:00

It never fails...a day without drama in my immediate family is a day that really does not exist. Given the recent events from my previous posts, the folks called this past Friday afternoon told me that they would be visiting yesterday, but did not come due to being tied up in my hometown working. So, being that I spent countless hours trying to get work finished, but due to my depression getting the best of me via sudden cry fests, I did not get what I wanted to get finished yesterday. My sleep last night was restless when I finally got to bed at about 1AM with periodic times I would wake to cry again. I finally got to sleep at about 3AM, then I slept to about 11:30 AM to hear pounding on my apartment door followed by a phone call by my father saying they were outside.

For the next two hours straight, I sat with my folks in my dinning room being lectured/yelled at for my recent actions. Told I don't respect or appreciate anything that I have been given by them. Told that my disrespect for not following everything they have wanted me to do. When standing up for myself, I was told to calm down, and that my anger was uncalled for. (These confrontations in my household have gone on for years.)

Now since I have competely lost my parent's respect, I now have to prove it in next 178 days. The truck (that I never expected to have till after I graduated college and bought myself) is now on its way back to my hometown, and I am left with the vehicle I always expected to drive. I will get my truck back upon graduation given all goes well. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining about losing my truck, what I am complaining about is that every decision in my family comes with a lot of drama attached. I have learned over the years that I can't get too attached to things, because it can be easily taken away from me.

To all those I have become close with over the years, I have tried to keep the fact that I am depressed from you. I have had hundreds upon hundreds of suicide thoughts run across my mind, hell in the last 48 hours I have at least thought about ways I could overdose or just to end it somehow. Now, granted I haven't gone through with it, because I think about those who have had significant impacts on my life. However, I am not happy, I try to make others happy! From my Blockhead sisters, college friends, people I have met over time, y'all have kept me sane and showed me more love than you will ever know! To my mother you have always had my back, and I love you more than you will ever know!! Now, I am very sad to say, that despite the abundance of respect I truly have for my father, I am not sure I love him...why? Well, I have been verbally abused by him for years!! Even when I respect his wishes, I am told that I am distrespectfull, unappreciative, cocky, and basically not a great person enough from him. No matter what I do, I can't seem to please him.

I could continue to explain myself, but as I do the more I cry. I will leave it at this for now. Care to leave a honest comment about the type of person I am! Thank you!

Experience of a lifetime update...

2009-11-13T17:03:00.003-07:00

This an update on the drama/clusterfuck that is my life! If anybody happens to be checking out my blog out for the first time, I ask you to read my previous posts in order for things to make sense! Thank you!!

Update Time: I had an offer to get the trip to Atlanta paid for out of the grace of God, but sadly had to turn it down due to my folks calling me yesterday to tell me if I chose that route I would be completely cut off. This weekend was also a Fan Meet for me to get together with my AZ Blockhead Sisters, but had to turn that dinner down, as I was going to drive 100 miles North to do so and was going to get completely cut off for that decision as well. So, basically the drama with my folks continues, in fact, it may be getting worse the closer I get to my college graduation.

Right now I am in left in a state of depression as I have to continue to do what my folks want, out of respect. May 14, 2010 with a job offer really can't come any sooner!!

That is all for now as I am about to burst into tears AGAIN!! Thank you for reading.

Experience of a lifetime...

2009-11-11T12:47:00.003-07:00

I shall start with the background information. After I joined Twitter and began to network with New Kids on the Block and my fellow Blockheads, I gained a follower in @SuperStarDJRos (DJ Ros) celebrity DJ/aspiring artist in Atlanta, Georgia. Our interaction on Twitter was minimal at first, then about a month or two ago, I recieved a tweet from DJ Ros about how he was enjoying "my interaction" with Donnie Wahlberg and the fact that I am a Blockhead. In fact, DJ Ros told me he was a fan of New Kids on the Block and New Edition! Despite this coming out of nowhere, I thought that this was amazing considering New Kids on the Block, Blockheads have continuously gotten backlash for our existence. So, DJ Ros and my interaction on Twitter became to be more involved as our love for music became our common ground. To me this is exciting, because anybody who knows me, know I LOVE music. So, when Donnie Wahlberg's single "I GOT IT" dropped and Blockhead Radio Station Domination began, I kindly asked DJ Ros to play it in the clubs in Atlanta for me.

The plot thickens...this past week on Thursday November 5, 2009, I received the following tweet from DJ Ros...@saxy15 SAXY!!! I see you riding hard for the big homie (Donnie) today...Love watching it unfold..need soldiers like you when T.A.P. drops. I replied to DJ Ros saying that my passion for the cause was driving me, and asked if he was playing "I GOT IT" in the clubs, DJ Ros replied with this tweet... @saxy15 I run I GOT IT..good feedback on the joint...tell Donnie that he owes me a drop for the next CD...lol. @saxy15 Tell him it's all because of you and the other 'soldiers'. Fans like you are an inspiration. You guys are what it's all about. I responded thanking him, then proceeded to tell him that he could tell Donnie in person as Donnie was having a "I GOT IT' party in Atlanta on November 20th at Club Life. DJ Ros responded with this tweet... @saxy15 really..that's one of the my spots that I play..just there last Thursday...just may do that...wonder whose DJing? So, in the meantime I sent a tweet to Donnie for which this Retweet came from...From:@saxy15@DonnieWahlberg Receiving word from @SuperStarDJRos, that "I GOT IT" is a popular jam in the clubs in Atlanta! WOO! ;-) Then I recieved this tweet from DJ Ros... @saxy15 @donniewahlberg just mad a call to the owners for the club..It may be me & Donnie that night. They want me..trying to make it work. KEEP IN MIND ALL OF THIS WAS HAPPENING IN THE TIME FRAME OF AN HOUR. DJ Ros then sent this tweet... Welcome to my new followers via @donniewahlberg...looks like we will be rocking together on Nov 20th @ ClubLIFE thnks to @Saxy15..I GOT IT!! By this time, I was in shock from the support of DJ Ros, and the Retweet by Donnie Wahlberg, and let my shock be known. DJ Ros then sent this tweet... @saxy15 The power of Twitter has just been demonstrated. I am in the studio now & look what we have done..will make sure Donnie is welcomed!

Okay, here is where I get depressed. My interest in going to the party in Atlanta skyrocketed!! Not only have I been a Donnie Wahlberg fan for 18 years of my life, but I am a fan of DJ Ros, and respect DJ Ros for his support!! However, I am student at the U of A, and my funds are extremely limited. Meaning I get support from my folks, but it is only to used for bills and school expenses. Yes, a West Coast party has been announced, but it happens on the day after Thanksgiving. Well, being that I promised my family the holiday time, and have school work to finish during that weekend I am 98% sure I can't go to that party. My passion for the cause, and the possible experience of lifetime is fastly approaching. I am broke, without support from my folks on the matter as they have their heart set on visiting the weekend of the party for the last home football game at the U of A. Plus, my folks do not understand nor support the fact that I am a Blockhead, so this is ridiculous in their eyes. I understand that the economy is bad, and I really truly appreciate all the money my folks have invested in me to get a college education.

I have asked for advice from many people in the last few days, and most have said make the dream come true in flying to Atlanta for the party. I agree that an experience like this does not come up everyday. I have been patient, and have missed out on every after party/party that has happened during this New Kids on the Block reunion in addition to many other events. I am graduating college in 182 days, in fact I finish my major this semester. I will only have to finish my minor next semester. After all of this has gone down, I am emotionally exhausted as I still want to go to Atlanta, but I am lacking the funds for airfare to Atlanta and back. It is looking like I will again have to miss out on my passion, but yet I still have that chance in the back of my mind. I just don't know what to do. I have been crying!! Why does this dissapointment of not being able to do things keep happening to me? I have been trying to make lemonade out of the lemons my life has dealt me, and yet I still have the rhine. *tears*

WORLD BLOCKHEAD RADIO STATION DOMINATION...

2009-10-23T14:52:00.004-07:00

Considering my first exposure was at the ripe old age of 3, I have been "studying" music to fulfill my love and passion for an amazing art. It helped that I grew up in a house where the radio or music was always playing. Music has became a major staple in addition to passion in my life. In fact, I can consider myself a musician, as I know how to play Alto and Baritone Saxophone as well as the Steel Drums. So, I understand the depth of music via playing music as well as enjoying music.

With that said...WORLD BLOCKHEAD RADIO STATION DOMINATION is well underway!! Since New Kids On The Block began in the 1980s, their fans (Blockheads) as well as NKOTB has struggled to get the respect they deserve. The impact that that we had on each other is really unparallelled with any artist/fan relationship. The 2008-Present reunion has definitely strengthened this bond to the depths of a family. Being that the NKOTB tours ended, each member has kept us Blockheads involved with their lives and projects! It is really great!! So, it was only fitting that Donnie Wahlberg wrote a couple songs, and released one as single to get a taste of the "solo artist"life. I say we are dominating, because of this amazing thing called Twitter; however here is the downside, the HATE towards NKOTB and Blockheads has just been ridiculous. The politics associated with getting music played on the radio is just fickle. The system has usually required artists/entourages to pay radio stations money, well now that Twitter has become so popular, we have have employed our networking to bombard radio stations with tweets and phone requests for the song. Due to the HATE, we have been asked to trend radio stations as if it was a bet, well our camaraderie has proven we can trend anything in a matter of hours, proving the non-believers wrong. Despite of getting the song played on radio station all over the world, the test is continuing to get it played. The song, "I GOT IT" featuring Aubrey O' Day has been put into these contests called faceoffs to see how us fans vote, well we have shocked radio stations with our response forcing them to play the song. I guess you could say we are acting as Donnie Wahlberg's publicist is a really involved, interesting, and amazing way.

If you couldn't already tell, I am really enjoying this, as as Blockheads we are finally getting our voice heard proving the non-believers wrong that NKOTB has a strong fan base after 20 years. So, I end this entry with these parting words...LET'S GET THIS Blockheads!!!

Frustration or passion?

2009-10-15T21:36:00.002-07:00

Wow. It has been a minute since I blogged. Hell, I haven't had the time nor the content to blog about that was worthy in my eyes.

Anyway... let us talk about the phrase "keep it real" for a moment. I will admit I use it a lot, I value this slang phrase as it represents one's ability to stay true to themselves as well as others. Anybody that has had the slightest encounter with me, would know I am extremely blunt. The fact that I study Communication (people) does not help that cause either; meaning I am one who can see through people's bullshit immediately. Sorry. Just "keep it real" please. It is not attractive to be fake, two faced, or dishonest.

Moving on.. I would say I am very passionate about things, and life in general. I understand that life is not fair, yet I don't value people getting ahead based on being fake. When opportunities arise, I would love to be able to be positively effected based on my REAL qualities rather than the DISHONESTY many people use. I feel my hard work should pay off sometime; I am sick of being disappointed from the lack of acknowledgement for my passion, specifically with music and sports. With that said, am I frustrated that life isn't fair or does my passion get in the way of my reality?

MUSICAL SUPPORT...

2009-03-31T09:03:00.002-07:00

The answer to the last lyric is...

Song: "Baba O' Riley" (Teenage Wasteland)
Artist: The Who?
Album: Who's Next
Year: 1971

The new lyric is..."I got the rap patrol on the gat patrol Foes that wanna make sure my casket's closed Rap critics that say he's "Money Cash Hoes"I'm from the hood stupid what type of facts are those If you grew up with holes in your zapitos You'd celebrate the minute you was having doeI'm like fuck critics you can kiss my whole asshole If you don't like my lyrics you can press fast forward Got beef with radio if I don't play they show They don't play my hits well I don't give a shit SO Rap mags try and use my black assSo advertisers can give em more cash for ads...fuckers."

(Sorry if the lyric offends people)